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Need opinions please
| Thu, 10-13-2005 - 11:59pm |
Well I have been dating this guy for 6 months now, and he recently told me he wants to "take a break." His reasons for this were that he has many things to deal with right now such as his band and passing a very important test he has to take in a week, but it's also the way I treat him. I do admit that I treat him poorly at times, but I told him I could change if he just gives the chance. I don't know why I do these things to him sometimes...but it just happens I guess. He told me he wanted to take a break for the weekend and possibly see me next week and everything will be back to normal. I noticed that after he told me this he started getting attitude and avoiding the problem wheneverI brought it up. He becomes hostile at times in our conversation out of nowhere. I also notice a couple girls talking to him online, and when I asked him about it he told me they were just girls from school, but then he proceeds to get mad and accuse me of not trusting him even though he would do the same thing to me. He had this online profile sort of thing (maybe you guys have heard of a thing called Myspace) in which case he had pictures of me with captions such as "she's the best" and "she's better than you" and "I have an amazing girlfriend". You can put a status in there saying if you're single, divorced, married, etc. and it used to say "in a relationship" but now it says "divorced" ( not that we were married). And he also changed the password to his Myspace account. He completely took me off of his friends list on there and avoids the topic when I ask him about it. He assures me that he doesn't want to break up with me and that he's not acting this way so that I will break up with him, but it seems like he's slowly erasing me out of his life. I'm not sure exactly what to do, and if anyone else were to ask me this type of thing I would straight up tell that person to dump the guy, but it seems harder once you're actually in the situation. I love this guy to death, and maybe I'm taking things out of proportion, but I'd just like to get a few other people's opinions on the matter. Thank you.

It does seem that he's distancing himself from you somewhat. Perhaps you've hurt him too many times and he's in self preservation mode? I can see that you're frustrated with him, but from what you say, much of this is in reaction to how you treat him.
I do understand that you've said you'll change, however if you don't know why you do the things you do, then how will you change?
Rather than focusing on what he's doing, it may be better instead to consider your own actions. If you need help, please feel free to tell us the ways in which you treat him badly. Perhaps a bit of brainstorming will help you get to the bottom of it.
I totally agree.
To the OP, listen to iv, she's dead on. Change the focus to yourself and getting to the bottom of why you behave badly and then work to SHOW him you deserve a second chance by changing that behavior.
He doens't have to give you one, you aren't entitled to one even if you do change. You should make the change for yourself so you don't repeat the mistake with this guy or with other people in the future. So make the change; but, do it to better yourself not just because you hope it'll get you another chance with this guy.
Oh well, chalk it all up to learning experiences. We all live and learn - and heartbreak and mistakes are just a part of it.
Just a word about your past relationships - no one can crush your self esteem or make you insecure unless you let them. A woman who has high self esteem will show a bad guy the door as soon as she sees too many red flags. She gets rid of him *before* she gets seriously hurt. She also knows that relationships with many red flags are not worth fighting to fix.
I think a bit of self reflection about why you are attracted to bad guys would be wise. Find out why you keep ending up with them and change your habits so that you end up dating good guys. There are plenty of good guys out there. The trick is to take heed of red flags and leave the relationship if there are too many.
good luck.
Maybe the guy is unsure whether he is ready to be in a full on long term relationship. Most guys our age get freaked (well, guys in general). You are still young and I was in a similar thing as you, I decided to let it go and he still talks to me, but amazingly my current bf just fell into my lap noy long after that. I was sad about the loss, but I learned alot about myself and what I want, what things I needed to change about my attitudes/actions to others and myself and now I have no regrets at the decision.
Sometimes starting over is the best thing. That said, as the cliche goes if you love someone, set them free. So if you do care about him, purhaps by letting go you will find out if he really is someone you want to be with.
Good Luck!!!!