Need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Need some advice
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 7:30am

I am in my 50's, and since my divorce 9 years ago, I have had 2 serious relationships. One lasted 3 years and the other almost 4. The last one ended about a year and a half ago. I now am with a new man of 4 months. He is so wonderful. He is caring, loving generous, and I do love our time together, but the problem is that I don't feel the same passion I felt with my last boyfriend. We click on every level but I just don't care if we have sex or not. I do enjoy the affection of kissing and cuddling, but just don't get horny like I did before. He is handsome, but I am not as physically attracted to him as I would like to be. Can I have a successful future with him feeling this way? He and I have sex once a week and he doesn't seem to mind this. He, like me is often tired after a long week of work. At our age, how important is sex when you have everything else going for you?

I have also had another problem lately, in that I am having very lucid dreams, and my ex boyfriend is often in them. I have been over him for quite a while, and realized a long time ago that he wasn't worth the time of day. I would say that the only good part of our relationship was the passion. I am upset that I do dream about him. And if and when I have thought about him, it is with despiction. We did not end on a good note.

I don't want the turmoil that I am recently in to affect my new relationship. How can I help foster a better relationship with this new man that I care deeply for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 1:09pm
Well, it all depends on how important sex is to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 7:48am
First, sex at your age can be enjoyable if you maintain a healthy lifestyle. Your next concern about your lucid dreams of your ex, I think you have to work on it internally. You could still be attracted to your ex and you subconsciously want him. You may have emotional fulfillment with your present man but your inner desire of your ex will surely affect you psychologically --I mean it could lead you wanting your ex more.