New to board and going a little crazy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
New to board and going a little crazy...
3
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 9:18am

I'm new to this board and would like a little help, advice, support, reassurance or ANYTHING! About a month ago I started hanging out/dating the brother of a friend of mine. He's liked me for the longest time, but I didn't want to start anything because he had a girlfriend at the time and I thought he was a little young for me. (me 27, him 21) However, his girlfriend and him broke up in March or April and a month ago he asked me out so I figured what the hell! For a while everything was going great.

Now it seems like things are going sour. We hung out Sunday, but I haven't heard from him since then. I called him Wednesday night and left a voice message, but he hasn't called back. I can't think of anything I did, but I still feel like I did something. Maybe his infatuation is hitting a brick wall?

I feel so stupid! I'm 27! I should be over these school-girl feelings and insecurities!

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 12:46pm

Hello! I will have to keep my 2 pennies brief as I am at work. Please answer me this, how long had the brother and girlfriend been together? I would like to say more, but my question will be the basis for my response. Hope this makes sense. In the meantime, the other posters will likely join in and give you guidance and support.

P.S. - Just because your a certain age doesn't mean your heart and head won't be affected. Especially if you have feelings for someone. Take care and God Bless you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 7:26pm

I feel for you. I've been driven crazy by guys 1-2 years younger than me, in their early to mid 20s. I'm 25 and pretty mature/established for my age, in terms of education, career, finances, and being ready for real/serious relationships. And while I don't like to generalize that all men in their 20s are immature and often cowardly when it comes to breaking things off with women, they mostly are. And I too felt like a fool for being taken by these boys when we had bad break-ups (i.e. they just disappeared and left me wondering). And having talked to some of them after some time has passed, all of them had something going on that they didn't want to talk to me for fear of confrontation, for appearing like a bad guy, etc. And they all thought that I would take the hint and move on. Not that I was waiting around forever, but whatever happened to exercising common courtesy and letting the person you're dating know what's going on? Especially if they're calling you!

All I can say is that he will respond when he wants to and not a minute, day, week earlier. In the main time, live your life as if he's not coming back and move on. If and when he does finally call, you can then decide if you want him in your life again. Like the previous poster said, when you really like someone, it doesn't matter how young he is or how old you are. You will succumb to these feelings. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 8:16am

The answer is pretty much in front of your face. When a guy really likes a girl he calls her back, period. OR if it takes a long time to call her back he expains why. That's just how mature adults do things when they care about someone.

I know it isn't easy when your hormones and feelings are getting all tangled up, but it really is just that simple. If he likes you he'll call and explain, if he doesn't just accept it and move on. He's probably using the avoidance thing because he knows it 'll be awkward to explain that now that he has you he's not so infatuated any more.

Also, STOP thinking you did something wrong. A guy deciding that he's not that into you doens't mean you did anything wrong. It just means he's not that into you. Just like when you're not that into a guy there's nothing "wrong" with him you're just not that into him. It's just a part of dating and finding the right person for you. There are going to be people you really like that aren't that into you and there are going to be people who really like you that you aren't that in to.

It doesn't make anyone defective or mean they did anything "wrong".