New here, but needing help
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| Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:39am |
Ok, so I'm not new but it's been almost a while since I posted on any message board here. So I'm going to give a bit of history so maybe ya'll can give me some good guided advice.
About three years ago I met a guy and thought he was great. He bought a house and I moved into it with him. Long, long, long story short....we had a really crappy relationship, he cheated, he mentally abused me, emotionally abused me. I was really torn up about everything with him. Even after we broke up we continued to sleep in the same room, and have sex. Right around the time Katrina hit I told him I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. Basically he wasn't doing anything for me other than providing a roof over my headd. He wasn't really a friend, just a meal ticket. That sounds bad but it's the truth. I would cry and he would turn away, I cleaned and cleaned and ran his house like I was his wife. I was miserable. We would fight almost every night because I wanted him to be more emotionally involved with me but he was just cold. I eventually got that he would NEVER EVER be what I wanted and needed from a man. I signed a lease in November and moved into my first place on January 1.
A few weeks before I signed the lease, I met someone, J. J and I met at a training meeting for work. We started talking on the phone and hanging out. After I signed the lease our relationship started taking off...we talked more often, saw each other more often. I finally moved out and since then J and I have excelerated our relationship to gf/bf. It's be absolutely heaven, but I'm wondering if the feelings I have for him are really as deep as they seem, or if I'm over-whelmed by the care and affection he shows me.
For example, last weekend J and I are out at his friends house staying the night. We started sharing stories that were some what painful. I shared one about an extremely traumatic event in my life, during the telling I started to cry buckets, he reached out, pulled me close and held me until I stopped crying. Wow, totally change from the other guy, even in the beginning. J has also been taking care of me since I fell off a ladder at work and hurt my back. I'm not bed ridden or anything but I do have a lot of pain, and when I'm in pain he brings me meds, something to drink and rubs my back gently until I say stop. So he shows me all this attention and affection, and I'm quickly falling in love with him.
Am I reading too much into my emotions? Am I being tricked by my mind because of the VERY drastic difference in the guys or is it real? I listen to my gut and it tells me that I'm very much feeling the feelings of love, and affection for him. Should I listen to that or....? I'm not sure.

Be patient, of course you have developed feelings because the thing he is doing for you is great and it feels great. But, to not end up like the previous relationship, don’t be so focused on those things but focus on J as an individual. Get to know him and the type person he is and can be. From there and over time will you know if this is right for you?
It's really great to hear that someone has found a guy that really treats her well. You have found someone that really cares for you. Obviously since you got really hurt by the last RL, you are diving into these new and wonderful feelings. Just keep in mind not to dive in too far that you may get hurt down the road. I did that with my ex, and with all the broken promises and dreams, I knew this guy wasn't worthy of me.
I got out of a long RL myself, basically the guy was immature, disrecpted and lied to me, and wanted to bring along his friends to everything we went to...even vacation. I put everything that I had out there, and got very little in return. Learning from that I know what I want and need when I go into the next RL.
My advice would be to take your time, listen to your instinct, and know the difference between that and your heart, and if it doesn't seem or feel right don't keep yourself in the RL just to have one. If I were to have given in to my instinct years ago, I would have been single shortly after the fact.
Good Luck!
Thanks ya'll. I'm trying to take it slow and focus on just being with him and trying to let him take the reins, something I'm not used to.
We had our first fight this afternoon. It was a misunderstanding by both of us. Things got worked out with in like three hours of the intial fight. Something that never happened with the last guy. We still haven't resolved fights from three years ago.