New here...can't sleep.
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| Sat, 10-01-2005 - 4:31am |
Hello all! I'm fairly new here and this is my first time posting. I feel so silly and can't sleep. I was wondering if I could get some good objective opinions on my situation.
Hopefully I can gain a little insight into this, but warning you now this story may be long!
So the deal is, I met a new guy about a month ago. He is my sister's boyfriend's friend. When I met him I was instantly attracted to him and he seemed attracted to me as well. After getting some drinks in me, I went home with him. I'm normally not the type of girl to do that type of thing, but at the moment just seemed like the right thing to do. The next day I was annoying giggly, smiling like an idiot, floating on a cloud...all that good stuff. It just went really well.
So cut to the next week after that. Through my sister, we made plans to go out the next week. I walked into the bar with high hopes, and couldn't wait to see him. He didn't talk to me to much, besides saying hello. He then left after about 10 minutes with another friend of his. I was just a little upset, but made the best of the situation and managed to have a good time with my friends that had come along. Couple days later I get the explanation from sis's boyfriend that he had to leave and take his friend home, because his friend was extremely drunk and making crude comments about me and my friends.
So again, we made plans to go out a couple of days later. Same situation, after about 10 minutes he up and left, just said he had to go. Once again I was upset but made the best of a situation. I met another guy and started hanging out with him. I was not attracted to this new guy but he seemed cool and knew a lot of the same people I do. New guy was falling all over me, despite the fact that I had told him I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was actually pretty uncomfortable with the way he was constantly complimenting me and such. So New guy asked me to dance, and I'm out on the dance floor doing my own thing, when in walks guy #1, and here I am with another guy. He proceeds to stand on the edge of the dance floor and stare me down. Whoops. I don't know why I feel so bad about this, since I really don't owe him an explanation.
So then we have last night. Went out with some friends from work and sister/boyfriend.
Object of my attraction (for lack of a better description!) is there. And he didn't leave! I was shocked. He told one of my friends that the reason he left the second time was that he had already told someone he would come to their party. He came over and talked to me and we talked for about 10 minutes, just small talk. Here's where I get confused. The whole night he was looking at me, kind of like he would constantly check to see where I was and what I was doing. If I would go to dance with friends, he would stand there and stare at me. At first I thought it was all in my head, I was just hyping things up, until everyone else started making comments about him looking at me as much as he was. We talked just a couple more times after that, again nothing to deep. When the night was almost over, one of my friends was harrassing me because one of her guy friends wanted to dance with me. To be nice I did dance with him. And again, I got my crush standing there giving me the staredown. After the dance was over, he then pulls a girl on to the floor and starts dancing with her, I guess for payback. Then he just leaves, no goodbye, no I'll see you later, nothing. Wow.
I'm fairly new to dating again, due to the fact that two years ago, I was engaged to a guy that I thought I would be with for the rest of my life, I loved him more than I thought I could ever love anyone. Then one day, outta the blue, he calls me up and just dumps me, saying he didn't want to get married to me, no other explanation. So it took a long time for me to get over that and be interested in dating again. This is the first guy I have been this attracted to since then. I'm unbelievably backward when it comes to going up to a guy and letting him know I'm interested. But new guy is even more backwards than me. He is separated and in the process of going through a divorce. His wife cheated on him several times, so of course he has some trust issues. I do as well. So I'm not sure how to make this work, or even if there is anything to MAKE work. I know he said he is attracted to me, but for some reason I just can't get it into my head to believe it. I also know that he made a comment to sis's-boyfriend that I seem like a party girl. I don't know what that is suppose to mean, because I'm really not. So I don't know what the deal is. And it's frustrating the hell out of me. I don't want to push myself on him, it's just not my nature, but it kind of seems like that's what he wants. And as much as I tried not to, anytime another girl would talk to him, I would get that little twinge of jealousy. I couldn't stand it.
I feel so silly and confused. I'm almost 30 years old. I should have this dating thing figured out by now. So please please please give me some objective honest opinions about this. I'm really sorry this is such a long post, but I wanted to put all the factors out there. And if you made it this far in reading, I do appreciate!

I think if he were really interested in getting to know you on a dating level (as opposed to a hooking up again level), he'd get your number from his friend and call you and ask you out.
But in any event, dating a man who is only separated is really not a good idea.
Sheri
I'm 30 and have no idea how to manage dating. Unfortunately it doesn't get easier with age :( There are no real rules because each guy/situation is different.
As for your situation, it seems like "new guy" is playing a game instead of being a straightforward adult and asking you out. I think he is interested in you, given that he watches you while dancing and tried to make you jealous by dancing with another girl. It seems like his baggage from his divorce is still affecting him. I'd seriously consider wanting to get involved with a guy that has all those hang ups. You've dealt with your issues, look for someone who is in the same place as you are. That's my opinion :)
It sounds like he's already judged you. He probably thinks you're the party type, who sleeps around, and well, may cheat on him (just like his stbxw did).
He's got a lot of baggage. I mean come on, what kind of NORMAL man STARES you down on the edge of a dance floor because you're dancing with some other guy? Just because you dance with someone, doesn't mean you are interested, having sex, wanting to hook up, want to date the guy, etc. It means, you wanted to go dance.
I can see he's ALREADY got issues, and complicate that further that he's separated. My two cents, you had a good time, maybe that one day/night you clicked, but it seems like he's not mature enough to HANDLE this like a mature adult. He hasn't even asked you out, but you went home with him already, and now he stares you down. And there's a BIG difference, between a man who's interested and glances your way, and a man who STARES at you all night.
There are many other men out there, who are more "healthy" and well, would TALK to you about all this, versus donig the whole staring thing. in fact, the staring thing, just creeps me out, it surely wouldn't make me feel like he likes me. in fact, i'd start to feel like he's stalking me.
Let him go. It ain't worth it.