New Love
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New Love
| Mon, 10-03-2005 - 3:57pm |
Ok so I am new here and started looking around for some answers but I guess I will have to write what I am thinking since I can't find the same thing...
I have been divorced about 3 years and recently started dating a great guy who has been seperated for 3 years but his messy divorce just became final. We have only been together about 4 months- he tells me he loves me and I am in love with him. The problem is my goal is to be married and settled again- he doesn't yet know what his goal is. I know this is a new relationship and I shouldn't rush things- I've never been known for my patience in that way but I want to be with someone who has the same common goal. I don't want to waste my time or get hurt because it turns out he can't trust someone enough to be married again. Am I trying to hard? Expecting too much? Any comments???? Need more details- i don't really know how things work here. I guess anything you can say is a help at this point- thanks in advance!!
I have been divorced about 3 years and recently started dating a great guy who has been seperated for 3 years but his messy divorce just became final. We have only been together about 4 months- he tells me he loves me and I am in love with him. The problem is my goal is to be married and settled again- he doesn't yet know what his goal is. I know this is a new relationship and I shouldn't rush things- I've never been known for my patience in that way but I want to be with someone who has the same common goal. I don't want to waste my time or get hurt because it turns out he can't trust someone enough to be married again. Am I trying to hard? Expecting too much? Any comments???? Need more details- i don't really know how things work here. I guess anything you can say is a help at this point- thanks in advance!!

Four months is certainly more than enough time to find out what his goals are. I'd recommend talking with him and talking about your goals in general. I'd be open and honest about your desire to date for the purpose of finding a new marriage partner. And ask him he dates for.
Best of luck!
I think getting involved with someone who doesn't share your relationship goals means that you are taking a HUGE risk. It's not at all surprising that someone who is freshly divorced doesn't know if he wants to get married again...it's for this reason that I don't date men who haven't been divorced for at least a year.
If you're going to stay with him and hope it works out, you have to leave him be for the time being, with the exception being, ask him to tell you if at any time he decides for sure that he does NOT want to marry again. Then, you need to decide how long you would stay with someone who might not ever marry you. Is that a year? Six months? The amount of time you've already been together? Only you can answer that question...but you should decide for yourself (i.e., not share it with him), and stay that long.
Sheri
Thank you for your input and I appreciate any responses I get- this is a great site - I really enjoy it- glad I found you all!
S