new relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
new relationships
2
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 11:30am
im not sure how to handle this one. im 42 hes 38 (2 months together) both of us were unhappy in our prior relationships. we ARE in love (we clicked like love at 1st site) - my problem: besides being a "guy" hes a mechanic & with toys. he loves being with me &(always comes over after work) & than he says he'll come over or try to come over - than doesnt - probably happenend 2 saturdays in a row (other than that its been ok) - he seems to get tied up in what hes working on than thats it til the following day (the call always comes in) - he wants to move in together one day & possibly move out of state ............ how do i deal with this (he always acts like hes done nothing wrong) - maybe its caused from past relationships that had no boundries ????? it cant and wont with me ------ HELP / im gettin too old for this - should i wait it out ??? (they all can be trained to a point)


Edited 9/5/2005 7:25 am ET ET by leseec
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: leseec
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 6:17am

I'll come straight to the point. Hon, if he's this flaky only two months in, imagine being two years in!!!

At this stage, it's obvious that your feelings mean less to him than his interests do. And he has no understanding of courtesy. I'm not suggesting that he should spend every evening with you - because we all need a bit of time to ourselves. However, frequently making then changing plans is unacceptable and hurtful. If he says that he's coming to see you then you should expect him to be true to his word.

He should *plan* to have two nights doing guy stuff so that he won't need to stand you up. However, at the age of 42 he should have figured out basic time management strategies long ago. I know you say that they can all be trained to a point...but isn't 42 a bit old to be doing basic courtesy and time management training with?

It's up to you whether or not you can be bothered training him. But to me, one of the advantages of getting older is that the guys should already be 'house trained'.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
In reply to: leseec
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:40am
thanx for the reply ..... i worded it wrong - it happened 2 sat's in a row - other than that its been ok (maybe together too much - we also work together - same bldg anyways). i certainly agree with you (maybe in the beginning he was on his best behavior) i hope this is just coinsedence & not true colors coming out. things do come up but a "courtesy" phone call takes seconds (my EX husband was like that in the beginning - i stressed EX) - as you said, he may love me - but loves his interests more (that i can deal with when you live with me or married to me - we all need space) im just confused at 42 - ya think i would know better after two EX husbands. i guess its time for ground rules to be laid down (we'll see what his 2nd excuse will be 1st)