News from the happily commited
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 10-12-2005 - 9:51am |
Hi everyone!!!
Well, it's done deal. No backing out now. :)
As you all probably expected I am just beside myself I'm so happy! I just thought you all might enjoy a poem that was read during my wedding ceremony:
The Art of Marriage
by Wiliferd Peterson
The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say, “I love you” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other,
not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice,
but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation,
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo
or the wife to have the wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere
in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the Spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which
the independence is equal, dependence is mutual,
and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner,
it is BEING the right partner.
This is “The Art of Marriage”

Congratulations on your marriage! I hope to have what you have one of these days. It sounds like he is just perfect for you and that's wonderful to hear. I took a brave step in the right direction of freeing myself for the right one. I broke up with my boyfriend for good a little over a month ago. It's been extremely difficult, sad and scary and sometimes I feel like the right one isn't out there for me. I think maybe you were feeling the same way before you met your husband am I right? I'm just about 30 (end of the month) and always ask myself when is it going to be my turn. I think I remember you posting about how hard it was for you and you were kind of giving in to the fact that you may never meet the one, then you met your current husband and you began believing again. Do you have any words of encouragement for me during this time of fear, doubt and sadness that I'm going through.
You remember correctly. I actually met my husband online looking for a casual FWB type of relationship. I was open to it being more but wasn't overly optomistic. I had pretty much accepted that maybe marriage just wasn't for me.
I had also decided that was okay with me. There are far worse things then never being married. My husband was more or less at the same place in his life. We had both learned to accept who we are. We were both people who were happy being single, liked sex and wanted it on a regular basis, but we were tired of the BS that often goes along with "relationships" and the psychotics we kept bumping into in the dating world. So we decided to look for something light on emotion and commitment and heavy on the sex.
We were both happy the way we were, but sort of quietly hoped maybe someday we'd meet the right person even if we weren't all that optomistic about it actually happening.
Within two months we both knew we'd finally actually found that person in the very last place you could expect to find it.
The best advice I can give to anyone is to become more accepting of life in general and to look closely at themselves and always work to become the best they can be but always be honest with themselves and accepting of who they are. Oh and get to know yourself really well. There have been many times in my life when I thought I knew who I was but then found myself surprised by something I did and it's becasue we all grow and change over time and it's easy to lose track of who we are. Learning about yourself and your motivations is an on going process becasue we change.
To find a person who is right for you, you first have to know yourself. You don't have to have a laundry list of what you want. You just have to be comfortable in your own skin. When you are you recognize what works for you and what doesn't.
My husband is not at all what I would have expected, and I'm sure he would drive another woman competely insane; but, you're right he is perfect for ME and I'm perfect for him. But the only way we were able to recognize that was by accepting ourselves for who we truly are and all the changes that will come with that.
And one more thing, everytime in my life that I have tried to "force" and "make" things happen the way I think is best I have been unhappy, even when I got what I thought I wanted. Everytime that I have simply tried to just be the best I can be and guide my life and be accepting of bumps and take advatage of unexpected opportunities, rather then being so willfull and controling, I have found happiness. Life has a way of working itself. It always will. We just have to guide the ship and keep it out of danger while still being open and accepting when a wind blows us in an unexpected direction.
Buddhism and Toaism, GREAT philosphies. They've helped me to become a MUCH more centered and accepting of myself and life. And the philosophical aspects in no way conflict with a Christian up bringing. Check out dailyom.com I find it to be VERY insightful and inspirational, especially when I'm having a bad day. I even get there DailyOM email.
Find your life philosophy and a way to make peace and happiness within yourself. When you do, other things just tend to get better. Life becomes easier when you don't try so hard to make it what it isn't meant to be.
Thanks for the kind words and inspiration. This is exactly what I'm doing right now is trying to get to know myself and becoming more comfortable in my own skin. It's not easy when I'm not sure what the future holds for me but like you said I just have to embrace the moment and let life guide me in the right direction. Sometimes I could just curse those unexpected sharp turns in life but they all happen for a reason. I have been trying to steer my course too much with too many men that were wrong for me. Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and just came out disappointed each time around. I think when I find the right one it probably won't be so hard and things will just fall into place. Congrats again on your marriage!