no affection
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| Mon, 11-07-2005 - 1:03pm |
the start of our relationship was great. three months into it, i noticed that he seemed a little distant, emotionally. the kisses stop, no affection and when having sex if felt very impersonal. my first thought was that there is someone else. but i have no indications of that and we are together seven days a week. we talked about the issue and he told me that he pulled back because of fear. afraid of being hurt again. i understand that but we had that talk in May. we've had other talks about it again, several times, but it is now going into December and things have not changed. we haven't kissed since May. we only do the hello and goodbye peck on the lips. he has never said, "i love you" he never touches me outside of bed. we never hug outside of bed or cuddle while watching tv. no affection at all. while having sex we don't look at each other, we don't kiss, etc. I feel like it is just for him to release himself. And with all of this, he is suggesting that we live together. Well that i'm not doing but.... I've asked him to seek counseling and he feels he does not need it. I've asked for us to seek counseling and again, he doesn't think we need to.
At this point, i dont know what to do because i can't spend the rest of my life not being touched, kissed, no affection, not feeling desired, impersonal sex, etc.
any suggestions?

Well, if he's not willing to do anything to address the issues that are causing him to not be affectionate, then nothing's going to change, is it?
So, you have 3 choices: accept him as is, stay in the relationship and be unhappy, or move on.
Sheri
Any suggestions?
Move on and find someone who gives you the affection you deserve. For whatever reason, this guy is holding back and obviously has no intentions of changing. You'll stay disappointed for as long as you are together.
He may be carrying baggage, but this doesn't mean that you have to accept it.
Edited 11/7/2005 6:07 pm ET by iv_aisha2004
when a guy stops giving his girl affection, its usually because he is no longer romantically attracted to her. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you for who you are, or that he doesnt find you physically attractive...but he no longer finds you sexually and romantically attractive.
In other words, he is starting to see you as just a friend.
Your best bet is to call it off, and force him to be without you. This will allow him the opportunity to miss you, and to WANT you again. Although honestly, I don't think I would want to be with someone who apparently had such a hard time holding onto their romantic attraction towards me.
whatever BS reasons he is giving you to the contrary probably don't make much sense...but then, why would they? Their BS.
Edited 11/11/2005 5:45 pm ET by charles22