No Labels
Find a Conversation
No Labels
| Sat, 07-02-2005 - 5:00pm |
Hello everyone. I am new to ivillage so please bare with me. I have been seeing this man for 4 months and things have been going so well. We go out all the time, do things couples do together. My concern is "what are we?". We never have said we are boyfriend\girlfriend we only refer to each other as male or female compansions. He introduces me to his friends as his lady friend and I as he's my Boo. He made a statement the other day that he isn't going to assume we are boy\girlfriend because he doesn't want to make a fool of himself nor do I. Do I ask him what we are or where we are going with this or do I just let things go the way they have been very well. Your comments would be appreciated. Thanks.

Rather then asking him what he thinks the two of you are, figure out what YOU want the two of you to be and then talk to him about that. I know, easier said then done. It's always tough to be the first one to admit you want to be exclusive or say "I love you."
The thing is we often kid oursleves into believing it will hurt less if we hold back, but the truth is it doens't. If you love someone and you never tell them and then they end it, does it hurt less? Well, maybe your pride, but it doesn't make you any less hurt by the rejection.
If you decide you want to be in a commited relationship and you go to him and tell him that, the WORST possible thing that can happen is he'll say he isn't ready for that yet, which will sting but at least you wont be laying awake wondering any longer and you can take that information and figure out what you should do next, instead of analyzing and worrying and wondering.
I am in the same boat with you.. and it is so hard because you really like this guy and you dont want to rock the boat or scare him away. I started to think to myself a very interesting thing... maybe this applies to you too.. maybe it doesnt..
I am a relationship girl.. i do the long term love companionship. Now that I am out of a long term relationship, i am trying to date but dont know how... all i keep seeing is that if this guy doesnt want to committ to me, i should let him go. but isnt that what dating is? no committments? I hate my situation, very much like I am sure you do. I am lying in bed everynight, sometimes with him next to me and wanting to tell him exactly how i feel. How do you change the situation without taking a huge leap of faith? But, just like you, for 4 months, i have gotten to the point that i am no longer happy around him because he wont give me the answers i want. You want them to be the ones to say it first, to say they want to be with YOU.. not the other way around...and to be very honest, i believe that is the way it should be. I read " he's just not that into you " about 5 times. I want NOT to belive that book.. but its true from beginning to end. If he wants you, he will chase you. At this time, I am watching my guy begin to chase another girl who he calls a "new friend"... I have to let him go...I am too good to be second string, and so are you. I hope this helps and if you want to email me.. please do. I know your complete frustration with this right now.. because its mine too
besides.. the "no labels" thing ( which I am also a victim of as well) is a bull, and we both know it.
gothicmedea@hotmail.com
Edited 7/7/2005 2:51 pm ET ET by missyfoosy
Read this iVillage article - it should help you with tips on how to bring up The Talk.
Take Your Love To The Next Level
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,12747,426370_420931,00.html
I think you're looking for page 3, "Exclusivity".
Good luck!
~Susan/30/MA