No Passion
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| Sun, 08-14-2005 - 5:16pm |
Any thoughts or input would be appreciated!
I'm 30 and I've been dating a guy for about a year now. This is the first real stable relationship I've ever been in (I had a tendency in the past to be attracted to men who treated me like crap). He is a great guy and treats me like a queen. I feel like I can trust him (something I don't think I've ever experienced), I can be myself around him, he's thoughtful and considerate, loves kids, and everybody I know thinks we're perfect for each other. I know--what's the problem?!
Since day one, I've never felt the "spark" I've felt with other guys I've dated...and it just doesn't seem like there's any passion in the relationship. I realize that maybe I'm bored because he doesn't have those "bad boy" qualities, and that the problem is really me. But what else bothers me is that he works horrendously long days, 6 days a week---so when we do get to spend time together a couple times a week...he's so tired from working that all he ever wants to do is relax and watch TV and then he falls asleep within a couple hours. On top of that, we don't have many similar interests, so things we would like to do together are pretty limited. All in all, the relationship seems to be kinda ho-hum. It's just hard to imagine building a life together with a man who's working all the time and doesn't like to do the same things you do.
I don't know--like I said, I've never been in a relationship with a nice guy before...maybe this is the way it's supposed to be (life isn't always parties and fireworks). What would you other ladies be doing in my situation? Would you try to find somebody a little more suited to you? Or is this a relationship worth working on and staying in?

ugh. i'm sorry - i would get out of it if i were you. it's great that he treats you well, and that's very important, but that's not enough all by itself. you also need compatibility. it's no one's fault - you're just not compatible people. you don't have compatible ideas of "fun." fun to him = work. you said it yourself, when he's not at his job, he's off working with his buddies, for FUN. right? fun to you = camping, travel, amusement parks, etc. that is a fundamental incompatibility between the two of you. you can try to work around it, but that means your entire relationship will be based on compromise. i mean, a little compromising is necessary in any relationship... if his idea of fun was going to the beach and yours was camping, well, you could work with that. but the two of you are too different, IMO.
that is no one's fault. he's a great guy and he'll make a great mate for someone - as will you. don't you go telling yourself that you somehow failed here because you can't make it work with a nice guy. (i sense you have a tendency to blame yourself for stuff.) that's not the problem here. you just need to find a nice guy, a good hard-working guy, who ALSO considers it fun to go on the occasional adventure. then you'll start having fun together and you'll find the relationship much more satisfying.
just my two cents.