no physical attraction...but...
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| Wed, 04-26-2006 - 1:54pm |
Ok so I met a guy at work OVER THE PHONE. We had been speaking for months on a professional level and about 2 weeks ago he finally got the nerve up to ask for my number.
After emailing him from my home account I finally decided to give it to him. We spoke for two weeks and I loved every minute of it. I adore this man. He is kind and sweet and strong and a single dad who has raised his two children after a nasty divorce.
Finally we met face to face. I arranged for dinner at a very romantic italian restaurant in which he paid of course. He arrived with a gift of 3 dvd's that I had mentioned was on my "to buy" list during a conversation. I mean this guy is great!! But...
I am not physically attracted to him a bit. What do I do? Do I assume that such attraction will come with time being as I am nuts about him??
Please ladies, help me!! I hate to sound shallow but I've never tried to be with a man who I didn't have some kind of attraction too.
I am crazy about him...what do I do?? Just how important is physical attraction anyways??

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Oh i think thats great advice. I don't want him to be "trendy" either. Just can imagine him in a nice sky blue button down (to compliment his blue eyes) and some khakis. Not faded '80's jeans that are REALLY from the 80's lol bless his heart.
I think I'll stick to my plan but you are right i certainly would never be cruel and make him feel self conscious by boldy telling him he needs new clothes.
I feel so damn shallow but my friends and I dress pretty nicely and love to go dancing (were all spanish so we do a lot of salsa and merengue) and I gotta be honest...i would be mortified if the group were going out to a spanish dance club and he had dressed like that!!
but i will take it slow, definitly is worth a shot...i REALLY like him.
Thanks!!!
-Jen
Hi Jerszyjen:
Sticker shock is quite an adjustment! Women are disadvantaged in some ways when it comes to online, phone, or email contact because we actually do bond quite well. But, when the physical package appears--that lovely soul we thought we were in love with is housed within.
If you are not very picky about looks, give this one time and see if you can warm up. John Gray says we women are like ovens and warm up slowly, and, in fact, an immediate physical attraction for a woman is not a healthy sign for the future.
So, hang in there with your guy for a few dates. If you believe you will NEVER EVER be able to be attracted to him, then give him the "just friends" talk. Hope it works out for you!
beyondmeasure
I LOVED this advice. Matter of fact, an older female co-worker just gave me similar advice. I am indeed going to take it. I truly enjoy his pure and innocent soul.
I can develope a physical attraction as we go along becuase I am truly attracted to who HE is.
Thanks beyondmeasure and to the rest of you, you all had important points that hit home.
He comes over for the second time tomorrow and to see my sons baseball game. Keep your fingers crossed that he looks a little better each time that we meet lol.
-Jen
Hi Jerzyjen:
I think you are a terrifically special woman, who is willing to give a great guy a reasonable chance!
You should come out to the marsvenus site--I think you could help a lot of women on that board!
beyondmeasure
I'm so glad to hear that. Can you tell me your story? I mean was there ANYTHING in the beginning.
Just to update everyone, I did see him again Sat. And he arrived with a DVD/VCR combination player. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He also bought us ANOTHER movie. (He had bought me a gift last week on our first date of 3 dvd's that had been on my list to get).
He is sooo sweet, he sat through 5 hours of a double header that my son played in and then came back to my house for dinner and we watched a movie on my new dvd/vcr player.
Ok so the kids were like "mommy, whats the problem? He aint a bad lookin guy". So I'm like "I guess your right, so why the f- aint I attracted to him!!?"
I wuzn't girls. It was nothing. I pecked him on the cheek goodbye because I had no desire to give him a passionate kiss.
Now I miss him. I once again love talkin to him on the fone and get all excited when he is calling!! What the hell is wrong with me? I'm a whacked outta my head or sumthing?
I do not want to hurt him or lead him on...but I really like him...til I see him. WTF????
Going bananas here...give me your wisdom ladies.
Thanks.
-Jen
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