No time for me
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| Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:33pm |
I love my guy and he loves me. He has a crazy job and works ridiculous hours when he is on a project (16 hours a day 7 days a week). We met and started dating between his projects but even when he had free time, he filled most of his free time with other activities. I understand it to an extent, he can't do anything when he is on a project so he needs to have some activities, but I got the short end of the stick time-wise.
Now he is starting another project! We had a long, honest discussion about it the other night. I told him maybe he needed freedom right now. I hurt him by saying that. I just can't help but see it that way. I mean, even when he has time he doesn't spend a lot of it with me. Now that he has none, what can I really expect?
As much as I love him, I want someone who is with me more. Do I give up a perfectly good guy (loving, generous, gorgeous, supportive) on this one issue? It is a big issue for me.
We've been dating about 2.5 months.
Thanks!

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If it's a big issue FOR YOU, then don't feel guilty just cuz he's a good guy. Like I always tell ppl, just cuz he's a good guy, does NOT mean he's the RIGHT guy for you.
If it's a big issue for you, then don't make any excuses for that.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
One last thing.
If he's willing to TRY to make more time with you, then I'd give him that chance. And if he can't, don't blame him (like you did the first time), if you end things.
You said, "I told him maybe he needed freedom right now"
If you end things, I would tell him that "*I* need more time from you, and it's unfortunate that I am just that type of person, and you're not able to accomodate me. It's not you....I just need someone who can give me the time I need".
And leave it at that. Dont' feel guilty for the things YOU want and deserve......espeically if you're unhappy. HUGs. I know that doesn't make it any easier if you do decide to leave him.
Coming from a female professional who works a ton of hours....when I am interested in a guy, I make time for him, simple as that. Sometimes it is hard to balance work with a personal life, but it is really about finding that balance. Figuring out how to work 13, 14, 15 hours a day, plus have a social life, plus have a personal life.
When I am not really all that interested in pursuing something with whomever I am seeing, I really don't make the effort, or sacrifice my alone time, time with friends, and time for other activities. When I am interested, I do what I can to see my guy -- cutting out my alone time and time for other activities to see him. There are times when I don't get out of work until 9 and am totally exhausted and only want my bed, but I go over to his place or he comes to mine and we hang out for whatever time we have. I also refuse to work 7 days a week, so Sundays are usually devoted to him, as well.
I am not saying your guy isn't into you. It may be a situation where he hasn't figured out the balance yet (trust me, it is VERY difficult to do).....But, there is always time if he wants to make the time. But, if the little time that he does have is not enough for you, then leaving is probably the right thing to do. It all depends on what you want and how much you need him in your life.
He says he loves you and all but when he has free time he doesn't spend it with you.
What is that really saying?
Right! Thank you.
He made time for me early on but now that we are getting serious he is running away. What can you do?
ok - see those are things that he could probably include you in somewhat. so he's got no time, doesnt spend his free time with you, and spends it doing things that you could probably do with him. that doesnt sound so good.
i know what it's like to date someone with an insane work schedule and it can be extremely frustrating, in fact, i didnt put up with it for too long before i became frustrated and started dating other guys.
my suggestion would be to tell him that you arent getting what you need - TIME - and that you are going to date others. then do that.
good luck!
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