Normal relationship timing??
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| Mon, 10-03-2005 - 2:52pm |
I'm in what I think is a relationship...we've been dating two months now...though we have never had the actual "relationship talk" (I have met many of his friends and his sister) but I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It sounds sad but I constantly wonder when he is going to want to end it. I'm sure this is baggage from past relationships. For example...we spent Wednesday (my b-day), Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night together and ran a race Sunday morning. He dropped me off at about 12:30 pm and headed off to do some work. I did not hear from him yesterday evening and have not heard anything today...when should I hear from him??? I'm sitting here wondering how long to wait before it is a sign that "he is just not that into me." I really want him to be the one to call or email since I am leary of sufficating him...do I wait? Is it sufficating to call him tonight to see how he is? I'm very confused as to how much is too much...I'm not sure how to tell if it is merely getting air or when it is a sign...I'm a bit of a planner and if I know I'll see him say Wednesday I'm fine but these lag times when I'm left wondering when I will hear from him confuse me. HELP!!!!!!
Thanks for any responses or advice...

Yes, I would wait for him to call you. You just spent HOW many nights in a row together and you're freaking out about 24 hours???
Yes, calling to see how he is so soon would be suffocating, at least it would be to me! Let the guy have some breathing space!
If he hasn't called by Wednesday to set something up for the weekend, then you can start freaking out ;-).
Sheri
Question I have is, why do you need the validation of hearing from him everyday in order to determine if he's "into you" or not? He spent 4 days with you! Do you think he would have spent all that time with you if he didn't want to?
Let it breathe.
i'm a planner too!! it drives me CRAZY when i don't know what the plan is. resist the urge to call. once you're official, you can sit him down and have a conversation about this. for now, there are a couple of things you can do:
first, start making plans with other friends or join a club or something. it will help take your mind off him, for one thing. it will also make you a little less available to him. not in a game-playing way, but in a healthy well-rounded way. if you've got a nice full schedule, he will realize soon enough that he needs to plan things in advance to make sure you'll be available.
second, next time he's dropping you off, try to make plans for when you'll see him next. just say something like, "what's you schedule like this week?" my BF and I don't see each other every day, but we always set up a loose plan for the next time we'll get together. we have to, because we both have other social obligations outside the relationship. and this way i always know what to expect, so i can stop obsessing about it.
if you do these things and he still seems resistant to planning in advance, then you might start to worry about "just not into you." you could bring it up with him directly at that point. you don't want to sound clingy or needy though. it's better to be like "i need us to plan dates in advance because i'm having trouble scheduling everything into my busy exciting life," rather than "i need us to plan dates in advance because i get scared that you don't like me anymore..." see what i mean?