Not sure what to do.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2011
Not sure what to do.....
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 10:07am

Ok here it goes:  A month ago I started talking to a guy who is divorced with 3 kids and lives 2 hours away.  He filed for a divorce a year and a half ago and it was final in Feb.  He had a rebound right after his divorce and then dated a girl for 8 months and broke up with her back in June.  I filed for divorce last Sep. and it was final in Oct.  I had a rebound right after my divorce then dated but took time to deal with my emotions.  At the end of May I dated a guy until I found him talking to other women when he said he wasn’t.  I decided I didn’t want to date for a while but then I met this, well call him J. 

J and I have an honest and open communication relationship.  This can be good as we talk freely with each other about what were thinking and feeling.  I get his moods and he gets mine.  I haven’t felt like this since my I met my Ex.  He has said the same.  We really like each other and have an amazing relationship.  The only thing is I don’t know if either one of us is ready for a relationship. We are both scarred of messing this up.

He needs to put his kids and himself 1st and I need to put myself 1st.  At the same time we both get that about the other person and we can talk about the hard stuff in life.  It also helps that we live 2 hours apart so we are forced to live our lives.  We have talked about this being a good thing as both of us usually jump head first into relationships.  I have never been this open with anyone but my ex.  He’s the same way.  I feel like we are good for each other and if we take things slow in the long run we will work out.  Our goal is to take it slow, work on ourselves, and take baby steps in the relationship.  We have talked about marriage years down the road.   It’s hard because neither one of us was looking or really wanting a relationship but we just have this amazing connection you don’t find every day.  I don’t want to walk away from that.  At the same time I am scarred of getting my heart broken.  I know it’s a risk but I think he’s worth it. Do I walk away or stay and see how it works out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 7:31am

Sorry at my age,  I really do believe children need two parents, and same for adults.

Did you even read the OP's post?  The children were not even hers.  The children HAVE two parents, they just happened to be divorced.  And same for adults?  That adults need two parents?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 5:37pm

Great advice Music.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 11:14am

Well you have to realize that in every single relationship everybody has, there is always the risk of getting your or the other person's heart broken if things don't work out.  there is never any guarantee.  So since you are both a little wary of getting into serious relationships, why not just date casually & have some fun and not worry too much about the future? You've both said that you're not in any hurry to get married again so don't worry about what's going to happen 5 yrs from now.  Because of the distance, you can't see each other that much so have fun going out on weekends but don't have your whole lives revolve around each other--take time to get to know each other and don't rush into anything.