Not sure what to think
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Not sure what to think
| Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:43pm |
I've been dating the same guy for almost 8 months now. Our relationship has been almost completely long distance since we go to different colleges an hr away from eachother. When we're home from school we're only 10 minutes away. Heres the thing, whenever he seems to get stressed out he seems to not make anytime for me. I'm really not the type of girl that needs to talk to their bf 24/7, but I do like to know whats going on. Its like if he doesn't have time to call me that day then I feel like he should be at least making an effort to email me or something while hes at his computer. I know he cares about me but sometimes I feel so lonely in this relationship. I've tried to talk about it in the past and he just says that schools really important to him and sometimes he needs to focus more on that then me. The only thing is this semester hes only taking 12 credits while I'm taking 18 and holding down a job. If I can come up w/5 minutes to talk to him...why can't he come up w/5 to talk to me?

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Dear Savannahariley:
I couldn't agree more. Bottomline, if a guy isn't treating you the way you want to be treated, the MV principles go far to explaining why you are dissatisfied, what kind of environment YOU have the power to create to get what you want, and how to have the inner wisdom and strength NOT to be used as an FB or FWB.
The he's not into you approach only tells you a limited paradigm of why a guy isn't progressing a relationship. It tells you only to move on. But women, as you say, need to empower themselves so that they aren't seeking their validation through men. Who wants that??? The MV principles say if a man pulls away, "rubberbands" or "caves" let him. You do other stuff to fulfill yourself, date other men, and get your life on forward with or without the Man connection.
It is when a woman does this independent movement that she, ironically, becomes most attractive! She adds self sufficiently to her natural generosity and loving nature. Isn't this a better role model than the hang your head, he's not into you model? beyondmeasure
Ok, now I'm curious...have you actually read the book HJNTIY? Because there's really nothing "hang your head" about it.
I personally take what I can from each book I read and leave the rest, and meld it all together into an approach that works for ME. It doesn't have to be an "all this way OR all that way" approach. Why not take bits of many approaches that reflect our own personalities and experiences?
Sheri
Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. Take what you need, what works, leave the rest behind. I like to leave the phrase, "He's just not that into you" behind. "HE" is the subject of that phrase. "YOU" is the object of that phrase. I seen no utility in being objectified nor in making HIM the subject of my predicate.
beyondmeasure
To me, HJNTIY is just a catchy phrase from a TV show...the message I get from the book and how I choose to interpret it is, "the two of you just aren't right for each other." That doesn't make either of us bad or wrong...just not right for *each other*.
Sheri
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