OKAY, what now???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
OKAY, what now???
11
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 1:18am
I'm now thirty-one and he's on the eve of thirty-three...he's a ninth grade high school teacher and we've been dating for nearly one year - nearly flawlessly. I love him and I KNOW he loves me...BUT last year I almost didn't go forward with dating him because students/ex-students clamour after him...and TODAY TWO - YES TWO (2) cars with multiple teenage girls "stopped-by" his house!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?? No one left their vehicle...(by-the-way I live across the street)...we are extremely close and intimate and I am now LIVID that this happened. He managed to turn the whole situation around on me. No, he hasn't really given me any REAL reason to distrust him...but I DO NOT approve of little, girlie-girls stopping by - inocent or NOT...We had a "blow-out" aruguement over it and now I suspect we could easily be on the outs. Am I over reacting????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 7:01am
absolutely not!! i think i would be uncomfortable with teenagers stopping by my bfs house unexpected or not,
how did he turn it around on you? saying your overreacting?
is this the first time they have done this?
how did he behave when they showed up did he go outside to talk to them, if so what was said?
i would go by his reaction to the situation even if i was overreacting or not, but id be annoyed. its one thing when its an adult interested, but its a dirrerent thing when teeangers are interested in you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 9:19am
Thanks for your thoughts...As I said I live right across the way and it just so happens that those idiot girls pulled into a driveway right across the street from my house. TWO cars about SIX girls and it reminded me of early last spring before we were dating when one car full was sitting out his house calling out for him. WHY THE bleep do they even know where he lives!??!?!?
What happened yesterday is he walked over to one of the cars and all I heard was, "...Oh I don't know about that, are you guys having a good summer so far?" And they drove away pretty quickly after that. They pulled-up while he was already out working on his car he claimed the one girl asked if he remembered her and he said he didn't...
When I was explaining that I have a HUGE problem with this he said he couldn't believe I was reacting like this...that he didn't do anything wrong, that he couldn't control what those dumb little girls were doing...
If he doesn't see that I need a thorough explanation and an equally thorough solution and/or plan to ensure nothing even remotely like this EVER happens again then I don't see any further future with him.
He is a very good boyfriend and we have been VERY happy until now. I've trusted and loved him more than anyone in my past, but I don't want to be taken advantage of or put up with any shady little girls parading themselves around him...If he wants his own personal girls-gone-wild going on with his students then he can have that but this grown WOMAN will be lost to him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 9:59am

If you are worried about 15 & 16 year old girls, then perhaps you're not capable of having an adult relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 10:31am
I agree with Spiceman. Teen-age girls get crushes on their teachers. You are holding him accountable for the actions of children. It doesn't sound like he did or said anything inappropriate and in fact, acted just as he should have under the circumstances. I can remember when I was in HS and JHS, I was madly in love with a couple of my own teachers. I look back now and I see how their attention to me was polite and friendly, but it meant nothing to them like it did to me. This is YOUR problem, not his. You need to deal with your insecurities or you will find yourself being replaced by a mature adult that doesn't feel threatened by children. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 10:53am
Very clever "spice man". I am not threatened by these girls I just want some consideration for my feelings. My man can sometimes be a little obtuse and I'd like to know that he understands where to draw the line. His friendliness with these children needs to be clear in all directions including mine. He tends to leave doors too open. He may not understand that he could be leading them on. His own co-workers have chimed in telling me that he carries his relationships with students too far. Not in an illegal way but paling around with them instead of keeping it adult/child.
He is an amazing MAN and he is not stupid, I know he wouldn’t jeopardize his job and like I said before I know he loves ME. It’s just that outside influences come at both of us and I’d appreciate a little more acknowledgment and management of his fan base in this case. When men come at me we discuss it, even laugh about it, but when I wanted to discuss this I feel was attacked and berated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 10:58am
to twentyx-
you are 30?!! and worried about high school girls........WHY? You are obviously threatened by them for some reason or another. I would be pretty upset also if I were your BF, no trust! Hopefully he is smart enough to stay away from them, he could get into a lot of trouble. If you are that insecure w/ these girls and do not trust him, why be w/ someone you can not trust, it is a waste of time. Find someone you can and do trust! You'll be better off!


Edited 6/22/2005 11:00 am ET ET by fun76
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:34am

You said "He is an amazing MAN and he is not stupid, I know he wouldn’t jeopardize his job and like I said before I know he loves ME." ~ then that's all that you should have to really keep in mind.


Honestly, I understand hwo that would feel a bit weird and possibly even threatening, but there's nothing that anyone can do about a carload of 'dumb little girls' that drop by and if he isn't crossing any lines, then I don't see the problem.

~~ Steffy ~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 12:12pm

What exactly are you trying to control?

Him? The "little girls"? or the situation?

Anyway, you can't control anything. He's a teacher, obvously a sweet one, who's good looking. OF COURSE ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS are going to have a crush.

Personally, with the toneage that I am reading in your post, you ARE overreacting. And if you acted in this way with your bf, I can see why you got into an argument.

Do you want him just to acknowledge to you that it's not a good thing, but he can't do anything about it? Do you want him to tell these girls to go jump in a lake? Do you want him to say, "i have a girlfriend, so get away from me?" or would you rather him say, "twentyx, i love you and you konw i do. i can't control what those girls do, but as a teacher, i can be respectful and nice, as they will and do trust me. i respect your wishes that they stop, but again, i can't control them."

do you want acknowlegement? revenge? him to force them to stop? him to quit his job? what DO YOU WANT FROM HIM???

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 6:54pm
Uh yeah you're over-reacting!
He's a teacher, and must be a hottie, so obviously his students are going to have harmless crushes on him. Why are you mad at him? He didn't do anything. It's actually kind of funny I think. He didn't invite them in, he wasn't flirting, he didn't get in the car with them so what are you all worked up about? I think it would be worse if grown women drove up to his house. Now that would be a problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
In reply to: twentyx
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 8:09pm

Truth be told...I have major abandonment issues (my parent's gift to me) and two out of three of my serious, long-term relationships before this one were with Major, addmitted, or proven habitual playboy, liars...Inf act when I was first getting to know my Hot Teacher, I thought it was funny that the two ego maniacs I had dated prior would have loved his job...what with a constant influx of new admirers. But I KNOW he is not them...FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR from it...Not much of all that baggage has reared it's ugly head untill now.
I love my man and we are both extremely commited to each other. We're working through this bout of my projecting old experiences onto this, the best experiences of either of our romantic lives.

Thanks for the kick in the head everyone!
xo

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