OKAY, what now???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
OKAY, what now???
11
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 1:18am
I'm now thirty-one and he's on the eve of thirty-three...he's a ninth grade high school teacher and we've been dating for nearly one year - nearly flawlessly. I love him and I KNOW he loves me...BUT last year I almost didn't go forward with dating him because students/ex-students clamour after him...and TODAY TWO - YES TWO (2) cars with multiple teenage girls "stopped-by" his house!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?? No one left their vehicle...(by-the-way I live across the street)...we are extremely close and intimate and I am now LIVID that this happened. He managed to turn the whole situation around on me. No, he hasn't really given me any REAL reason to distrust him...but I DO NOT approve of little, girlie-girls stopping by - inocent or NOT...We had a "blow-out" aruguement over it and now I suspect we could easily be on the outs. Am I over reacting????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: twentyx
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 7:41am

I'm glad to see you got to the bottom of why you reacted so strongly to something relatively minor: "Truth be told...I have major abandonment issues".

I struggled with trust issues when I first started seeing the man I am now engaged to. I was lucky in that I figured out right away that issues I thought I had a handle on I didn't. When we'd only been together a month a close female friend of his redid his bathroom for him. Admittedly I think she had a thing for him, but I really blew it way out of proportion after all she did it for his birthday and he is color-blind and had asked for her help decorating and picking out clothes in the past for just that reason.

I told him that I realized I had over reacted and apologized and told him that I didn't think that these insecurities and lack of trust would go away over night, but that I wanted to work on it and if he would help me I thought I could get past it. We discussed where in my past these issues were arising from. All he asked is that I try to acknowledge that he wasn't them. He wasn't an ex or my parents, he was his own man and he wasn't going anywhere unless I told him he had to. I told him I understood that logically but was struggling with repsonding emotionally instead of logically but that I was going to work on it.

He was really very understanding about everything and I know talking to him about it honestly and openly has helped our relationship tremedously, because we've been able to address not just my issues but his as well. We've learned to work together and I've managed to put a lot of things exactly where they belong in my past and his.

Congratulations on taking the first step to getting a handle on this issue and putting it behind you.

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