Old flames.....what if?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2005
Old flames.....what if?
5
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 9:24am
Ever find yourself wondering the dreaded "what if's" when it comes to an old flame? Have you made contact with the one you "let get away" - What were the results?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 10:58pm

I've definitely been there before. I just got out of a situation like that. My girl and I were together 3 yrs...we broke it off...she found someone just as quickly as we broke up...anyway...my post is somewhere on this board...we always agreed we shared a connection that was like no other...though I am still working on getting over her...if the timing is off, or if you're both with different people...or whatever obstacle may be that is keeping you apart...those are signs telling you that is probably meant to be...I've gone through the what if's a million times over...the only thing it does is stress me out even more, and then my mind just races...I did a lot of stupid things in the relationship, things I wish I could take back...but the past is over...I apologized and she accepted..and I promised myself to never be that person or do those things again to anyone else..and I did it all for me. Though I hate what I did..the best thing I can do is just move forward..I also figure if we're ever meant to be...then we will both know it and there will be no obstacles in our way...the time will be only for us. We tried being really good friends, and there were way too many emotions involved..plus we were talking when she was going through a bad time in a relationship...so I just happened to be there for her...although when things began to turn back to good with her new partner...she decided to turn away from me..and that was when i made the decision that I just had to let go...sometimes it's just not meant to be.

Hope that helps? I sort of rambled there..sorry!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:22pm

No, I haven't. When I end a relationship, it's seriously over. The thought of getting back in the sack with him is like Ewwww.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 3:39am
Mr - have you found someone else? Good luck to you - and as easy as it is to say, "what's meant to be will be" - its much harder to buy sometimes - thanks for sharing -
BT's
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 11:50am

I recently contacted an ex boyfriend about 3 weeks ago (we dated for a year, he broke up with me almost two years ago and we hadn't spoken) and we've been talking almost everyday now and seem to be on the same page (we both seem to have the old feelings (and are both single) and are going to see what happens). Right now I'm out of state but will be moving back home (where he also lives) in the next few months because of family. We are going to see each other over Thanksgiving for the first time in two years.

Basically, I didn't want him to be a "what if" and I'd been thinking of him so I wrote him a letter in the middle of the night and sent it to the address he had lived at while we dated hoping he would still be there (he was), and coincidentally he said he had been trying to find me as well. I figured the worst thing that would happen when I sent the letter was he would be involved and not respond or just not respond out of disinterest and I was willing to risk both of those outcomes, so the fact that we are talking (he apologized for the past and his commitment issues) and planning on seeing each other was more than I expected and I'm definitely glad I took that chance.

I know of other couples who have been broken up for well over a year with no contact and got back together and are actually married now. I'm not saying that is what will become of me or anything but it can happen and I think if you have someone on your mind you should take the chance and reach out to them because you won't know unless you try, even if it doesn't go the way you had hoped at least you will know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 2:06pm
I am sort of seeing someone right now...it isn't serious by anymeans...we've both agreed to take it slow..she knows about my situation, and I can't make any promises.
I think the worst thing I could've done was contact my ex while knowing I still wasn't over her..I think it set me back big time. I would suggest not to contact and ex until you KNOW no feelings are involved. The thing is she was my first...well, everything...3 yrs is a long time..we've been broken up for about a year now...I think what also made it harder was the fact that she started seeing someone immediately and I felt like I had been totally replaced. I think talking to her now, while knowing she is in a great relationship isn't any better...I want her to be happy, this isn't about her being miserable..but a part of me wants to be sharing that happiness WITH her..she tells me things about her new relationship that makes me remisce about our old one...things she used to tell me about ME..but now it's not about me anymore...it's about the other person...I mean with all that in mind, and how it makes me feel...it just tells me it isn't right..and I have to learn to let go...the thing is, I don't know if we will ever be just friends...we both agreed that we don't know how do it, and if the circumstances were different...then we might be more...but since they aren't...we can't really mess with fate. It is what it is. "It isn't meant to be" is easier said than done..you're right...but as the days go by it becomes just more easy to accept..