One Partner for Life at 18??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
One Partner for Life at 18??
13
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 1:49am

Hi,

I'll try to make this a short one, but I'm in the mood to rant :O(...I have been with my bf for a little over 2 years (we're both 18) and this is the first serious relationship for the both of us. Although I never thought I'd be with one person for my entire life (especially this young), I had never met or liked anyone as much as I did him, and for that reason as well as all that we have been through, we thought that we'd end up together for the rest of our lives.

I know this is idealistic teenage crap for most people but I really did think that we'd be together, and I wanted that to happen too. But, things have been really rocky since December, and I find myself being increasingly unhappy with our relationship. I have to mention that we both stopped seeing our friends (long story short I had a fight with my 2 best friends and that ended my social life about a year and a half ago) and we've been living togerther for about a year or so (I live at home still).

But, since December he started to hang out with some old friends (all male stoners who don't hang out with girls that much) basically because it was a rough time for him and as he didn't want to deal with his problems he chose to run off with his friends and bury his problems inside him. But, that's pretty much why things got worse for the two of us.

Lately I've been so lonely and tired (new job) and irritable around him. I just don't know what to think anymore. It's not like we haven't been through some rough times before (he's helped me through a lot) but this is actually making me question whether we should really be together forever...I hate that I am, but I can't help it.

I just started a new job (part time barista) and I met this guy there who is really fun and nice and I think I like him a little too much...but, it's not that I want to be with him so much as I am questioning whether I should be with my bf if I'm thinking about another guy romantically. I just don't know if I'm just emotionally bailing out of my relationship because things are so emotionally draining, or if I actually want to be with someone else...or even SINGLE for a bit...maybe I just need a break from things...I don't know :O(.

I don't know if anyone has experience in situations like this or not, but I just need another perspective on things. I know that it's my decision, but I would like some support as I have not had any friends for quite some time, and my mom doesn't suffice at the moment lol. I usually got to my bf when things are troubling me, but I think that anyone I would ask would tell me not to tell him that I'm thinking about another guy...

Thanks, Yvy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 10:25pm

>>It's unfair to someone else to expect them to provide our happiness. It's childish. Very small children expect others to make them happy. Rightfully so. At your age however, it's up to you...not someone else.<<

Did I ever once say that it is his job to make me happy? I think not, so please don't assume that I am childish simply because I posted on here that I was not pleased in my relationship. I have never put that much pressure on anyone in my entire life, nor would I ever think about basing my entire existence upon another person.

I wasn't saying that my life revolves around my bf, but that I shouldn't care so much about what he does, and focus on my wants and needs more often. If he does continue to do certain things that have been causing problems between us, then I suppose we will not end up together. I won't waste my time waiting around for him to change; I will get myself out into the social scene again to be happy about another aspect of my life.

I may not be putting my entire happiness and well-being on my bf, but a relationship should bring some joy to your life at some point, and I don't think that I'm immature for thinking that.

Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 6:20pm
I thought I was in love with my previous boyfriend and we discussed engagement (he even talked to his mother about rings). Things were fine between the two of us, but they were not great by any means. I was lucky enough to have classes with a guy 3 semesters in a row and we started to become friends (I always had my eye on him). Then, we started to talk online a lot and we became very close. My feelings for the new guy were enough for me to realize that my boyfriend was not right for me. My boyfriend and I broke up, and I started dating the other guy. Even if things don't work out with the new guy, I'm happy that he made me realize that my ex was not for me!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 2:25am

Hi Auburngirlie,

that's kind of how I feel right now, especially since this guy at work is really nice, and interesting. He gets kind of playful (like tickling and such), and I feel kind of bad since it doesn't feel right as I am with my bf. I don't think that I've been flirting with him, but it's been so long since I've even tried to attract a guys attention maybe I'm doing it without meaning to.

I just found out that he's not moving for another 2 months, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

He seems like he'd make a really good friend, but maybe I should just cut off contact once he moves, so that I can focus more on my relationship, and not on my "crush" or whatever he is to me.

I had a really nice date with my bf for the first time in several months last night :O). We went out to a movie with his brother and gf. I felt like everything was fine between us, and as though it always would be. However, today I worked with this guy and I still think about him a lot...I feel terrible, I'm not a cheater in any sense and I never will be, but I can't stop thinking about him every once in a while.

Strange how things can jump from one extreme to the other in as little as a night's rest.

Thanks for your post...as you can tell I'm still mulling things over, hehe.
Yvy.

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