Opinions welcomed ~ please

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
Opinions welcomed ~ please
4
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 2:18pm

I have been in a relationship with a man for the last 2 years.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 10:16am

September isn't that far off to give your son an ultimatum. You still have some time.

I don't blame your BF for saying what he said to you on your son. In fact I think any man in that situation would probably not put up with the stuff that you are putting up with now by letting your son still live with you and disrespect you. Granted he is your child, but you need to be the one to give him an option (i.e. go to school, and have a job while living under your roof..stay on some meds...join the military...or go live with someone else).

As far as getting a place together that's "yours", personally I wouldn't do that at this time. Your son is always going to be your son regardless, and maybe at this point in time your son needs a "firm push" and a "wake up call". Allowing your son to still be in your house will ALWAYS be a deterrent to any man wanting to live with you. Plus if the BF moves in, don't you think his other kids are gonna have a problem with your son. I would think so.

So instead of wishing for your BF to accept the situation, maybe you need to look at it for what it is and what your BF is seeing it being (an issue) and take some action. Personally, it sounds like getting his GED and joining the military might do your son some good, and a step in the right direction. But hey that's just my opinion.

Back to the BF...even if you got your son out of the house, do you think this man would want to marry you someday? You know well enough that living together is a big step, and you wanna make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons. Me personally, my rule has been to get a ring on that finger before you move in. So if at least an engagement is coming soon, then I would say go for it.

So if you give your son a permanent option, like this is your option and if he doesn't choose you'll be doing it for him, and make sure you follow through with your choice. Your son is an adult, so regardless of the ADHD, he needs that all important wake up call to get himself together.

You may not like it, but it will give you some relief and a chance to give you and your BF a life together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 3:50pm

Dear Sweatpea79,


Thank you for your reply post.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 9:32am

No problem, you see...there are other things in front of you right now that need your attention.

In the meantime, giving your son till Sept to get his GED is a good goal. Honestly even if he were to get his GED and go to college and get a job by the end of the year, how long to do think before he'll quit or loose that job and he'll be back at square one? He really needs to move out.

IMHO, give him till the end of the year to get his GED. If he doesn't comply with that, then he's got till then to move out. If he does comply and gets the GED and a job and keeps it till April, then he's got till April to move out. Let him figure it out, and suggest the military to him once he gets the GED and doesn't have a job.

But your BF can in the meantime take care of his 1st marriage. Tell your BF that this is your plan for your son, make sure that you follow through with it. If your BF is still serious about moving in together in a year, and you son has moved out, then he'll be more inclined to move in. If not then it wasn't meant to be, and you have done a good thing for your son. Regardless it's all a good step in the right direction.

Remember that the world has a funny way of redirecting you when you want other things in life, you just have to listen and pay attention. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 10:09am

Wow, thats all