play or soul mate? for real?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
play or soul mate? for real?
4
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 9:32pm

Loren

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 10:12am

Lyonsselore,


Welcome to the board. TBH, I have to tell you that IMO he does not care for you the way you care for him.Maybe he felt you needed to be completely divorced, or maybe he just isn't at a place where he can commit, since he isn't working and is trying to get custody of his children. Many men are different then women in that they can't be in a relationship until their job/home/family situation is in order.


I feel like maybe you guys breaking up may be a good for you. There seems to be a lot of back and forth and when that happens it usually means someone or both people are not ready for a relationship.


If he is constantly reminding you that you two are not dating you need to take his word for it and not try to push for anything further. He is telling you something, believe him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 10:33am

Has he ever defined the whole "not dating" thing to you? That makes no sense to me. It's either you are or you aren't. Seeing each other and dating are the same thing. Sounds like you are there to fill a void of some sort. He doesn't want to commit because you aren't at the top of the list right now...your closer to the bottom.

Sounds like too that he's a rebound from your divorce, and maybe you don't know what you want right now. I say...if you truly wanna be with this guy, YOU need to set some rules instead of constantly allowing things to happen. You need to put yourself up there and let him know that you aren't going to allow certain things from him (ex: you are dating and you are exclusive). You also need to tell him what exactly you want from him, and if he's not willing to do that then kick his butt to the curb. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you then he'll move heaven and earth to do so. He needs to put his money where his mouth is and tell you want he wants out of this, and what he's going to do to keep you happy.

Remember that things like this should be a red flag. The other things too is that if you don't know what you want, then maybe you need to not be with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 11:46am

all my friends say it's just sex to him. I've asked if he cares and he says yes, and i'm very important to him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 4:26pm

thank you to everybody! I REALLY appreaciate the help and suggestions.


i re-did my schedule this week to be avail after work to help him do his resume and job search.


soi'm waiting and just got a text. never mind don't need you thanks.


i hit the roof. i didn't text back or call him. i'm just going to move on if he calls then i'll talk to him. i like your idea of telling him EXACTLY what i want and need and either he ponies up or he doesn't.

Loren