PLEASE HELP :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
PLEASE HELP :(
2
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 7:45pm
Hi, I would really appreciate some feedback on my situation because I am very confused. I am 22 years old have been with my bf who is also 22 for about 2 and a half years. When we were first seeing eachother about month 2, he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend, and I didnt find out until 6 months later. Since it happened so early in the relationship, and he explained to me it was because he didn't really care about me at that point and had never really had a girlfriend before me; I gave him a second chance... Since that point on he really was a good boyfriend. He did everything for me and really treated me great. About a year and a half into the relationship I made a choice to go to school in a different city (3 hours away) and when i told him i would be moving away for school he was very upset. He felt that I was abbandoning him and he kind of pulled away from me.. We were still together but he told me that he needed more space and we started seeing eachother less... During this time I was angry with him for not supporting me with my choice and being there for me... I lied to him a few times about talking to my ex boyfriend (who really dindt mean anything to me beyond friendship, but i felt he was a friend who was there for me during these hard times) Well he eventually found out that i was talked to my ex boyfriend and broke up with me. September came and i moved away for school, and soon enough he was back in th epicture emailing me and saying he missed me... eventually we got back together but things were hard.. He had lost trust in me and it kept getting worse... I would always lie about small things to avoid fighting or so he wouldnt get mad because he is sometimes quite jealous... He always seemed to find out and his trust for me kept diminishing. we broke up and got back together so many times, and each time i told him i was sorry and that i would change.. but eventually would slip up again.. I never cheated on him but i did have guy friends which really bothered him.. and i would sometimes neglect calling him when i was out and he would be at home worried. A few weeks ago he told me that he was done talking my shiAt and that he wanted out. he said he still loved me but didnt feel as though i felt the same because of my recent actions. I know I love him and I know I want to be with him but I don't know why i do the things i have done. I knwo how important trust is in a relationship and yet i went and ruined his trust for me over such stupid things and people. I have done alot of thinking and i have realised so much and realised that I should of put him first because he always put me first. I have tried emaiuling him and calling him and opening up to him about my feelings (something i have a hard time doing) but he is really angry and told me he doesnt want to hear it becuz he has already given me so many chances. I don't want to lose him because I love him so much and have finally realised that i took him for granted. but i feel like all i am doing is pushing him farther and farther away. I dont know what to do. Any suggestions or opinions would be great! thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: sadbebe22
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 3:36am

Sweetie, we all have limits in what we will tolerate within a relationship. And you have simply pushed your boyfriend too far. His main priority now is to protect himself.

There's probably not much you can do now, except to examine what you want in a boyfriend. Perhaps a boyfriend who accepts you for who you are (so that you don't feel that you need to lie) would be a good start.....

And don't move 3 hours away from a guy who you want a relationship with. Many people aren't cut out for long distance relationships.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: sadbebe22
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 4:46pm

I suggest that you give it a rest. You can't make your XBF trust you. You can't make him see that you mean it this time. You can't make him believe differently than he already does. So I advise you to stop.

"I don't want to lose him because I love him so much.."

Two things here. Doesn't appear that you have a choice. Sounds like you did "lose" him, at least in the sence that you speak of. I say that because I don't think you ever really "had" him to lose. From the beginning he wasn't yours, and through out when things were good, you kept him at a distance never really allowing him to be yours.

I think in the long run you'll be far better off just letting him go. Start afresh with a new guy who doesn't carry with him all of this baggage and jadedness. Someone who doesn't have all of these negative emotions and memories clouding and mucking up the relationship.