Please Help Me Save My Relationship
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| Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:11am |
Hey,
First of all, I started dating this guy that I'm with right now Drew in the beginning January. I work with his brother, and before Drew & I started dating, his brother Adam was like you and Drew ought to hook up some night. This was in November when Adam said this, well Drew had my # & I had his, so we'd call each other and arrange something then when the time came I made up excuses not to go, and so did he (drew told me), b/c we was so scared. Then one night I called him and talked to him for 3 hours. The next night he invited me over to his house to meet his parents and that good stuff. I got out of an abusive relationship a year ago this past April, I was in that relationship for 2 years. I've learned a lot since then. Ok now here's what is going on. For 3 months straight Drew & I was with each other every day. Drew and I will both be 20 this year. Well, school (college) was starting to end and a lot of his friends that he goes to school with was having parties and going places. Drew always invited me to go. He told me he loved me like a month after we had started dating. He said,"I don't know if I should say this but I'm going to, I love being with you, I love seeing you laugh, I love making you laugh, I love having you wrapped in my arms, Emily I love you." I agreed with him. The past four weeks have gotten to me in such a way that I'm losing weight b/c I'm worrying all the time. Drew lives about 20 miles away from me. He has a lot of friends I mean a lot; girls and guys. Well he started being distant with me and hanging out with his best friend John and 2 of their good girl friends. Well I wasn't getting invited anymore and I'm still not getting invited. One day about 3 weeks ago, I was looking at his cell and found a picture of a girl's tits. And it was one of those 2 girls I just mentioned. I threw the phone down and said I'm leaving. I had just got into my car and he came running out the door. I locked the doors and rolled up the windows. He said unlock the door and I said no, he said roll down the window and I said no, he then said well roll it down a little bit. so I did and he said what's wrong, I said you f*cking tell me. He didnt know what I was talking about. I said look through your damn phone and he did and he said Emily I swear I didnt take that picture. I said regardless if you did or didn't it was in your phone. the pic was taken april 11th, I found the pic april 24th. On the 11th of april, i remembered he had plans to go out with John over to these 2 girls apartment to drink a lil' and hang out. Needless to say I forgave him, b/c I love this boy sooo much and put it behind me. Well since the pic incident, everything is falling apart. I know a relationship isn't only sexual, but it does help. It's almost 2 weeks since he's touched me. What am I to think? Last night (May 16th), him & John went to a different county to see one of their really good girl friends. Drew trained her in the fitness gym last summer and fall. Well Drew informed me that him, john, this girl he trained, one of her good girl friends, and another couple were going to a baseball game in Louisville KY. Drew told me that if it rained out they were just going to go to a bar and eat and talk. What was I to think when he said all these ppl were going? It was like 3 couples were going. Well last night i went to my sisters and got drunk to forget about him. and I did for a while.
This past weekend, on Friday night him and John went out to get alcohol with the 2 friends i've mentioned. He didnt invite me or ask me if I wanted to go. So I left his house and went picked up on my g/f's from work and we went out ridin' around and seeing ppl we hadn't seen in a while. After her and I got done, I was on my way home and decided to call drew. And he wasnt saying much to me, so i asked him have I done something to you. He replied, I'm really confused right now. I want a break from the relationship BUT I don't want a break from you. I told him if he wanted a break from the relationship he also wanted a break from me. I knew exactly why he was saying this but I was going to wait it out and see if he'd eventually say it. I knew it was b/c all his friends are home from college for the summer and they'll be doing a lot of stuff together. Drew's brother has informed me that I'm Drew's first serious relationship. Well Friday night I told him, Drew if you want a break you think real long and hard about this b/c if thats what you want, there will be never be a drew and em again, I've done put up w/ that sh*t too much in my last relationship. I then told him to think about what he was saying, b/c i didnt want to see him regret any thing he decides to do. So on Saturday I went to his house on my lunch break and we talked and he still kept saying the same thing, I want a break from the relationship but i dont want a break from you. To me, that means he wants his cake and to be able to eat it too. We talked, and I was crying and he started wiping my tears away and I said no, leave them there on my face, I want you to see these tears rolling down my cheeks. well before I knew it i had to leave to go back to work, and nothing was decided. On my way back to work, I called him and said Drew, I dont want to be harsh and mean, but i get off at 7 and i want an answer, either you want me or you don't and he said ok. I got off at 7 and called him and i said where do you want me to meet you at and he said this place. So i went and was sitting in the car, and he comes to my side of the car and says get out of the car and i said no and he said you'll regret it if you dont. so i got out and he put his arms around me and said i've been debating w/ myself so much in the last 18 hours and I want you to know that I need my baby in my life. I was shocked, b/c i had it figured out in my mind that he would go for the break. But I thanked God so many times that afternoon and night. Well tonight he let me know that him, John, the girl they were supposed to go to the baseball game with, and another couple are going to a club saturday night. I'm off saturday night and he hasn't asked if i wanted to do anything. I got aggravated on the phone and went into a fit. But nothing got decided, so were going to talk about it tomorrow.
I'm sorry this is soooo long but I need serious help to keep this boy. I see him and I together for the rest of my life. But the funny thing is, he told me this first. I know that if we have a break, in the fall his friends will all go back to school and he'll be alone, and I've been in that situation and it hurts like hell. Me and his family are going or supposed to be going to Panama City Beach June 23rd. This will be MY first time going to Flordia and who better else to go with besides him and his family. It used to be wherever you seen drew right there was em beside him and vice versa, but everyone especially his family, his friends, my family, and my friends are starting to notice it. PLEASE HELP ME, WHAT DO I NEED TO DO? I'VE RAN OUT THINGS TO SAY AND DO TO GET HIM TO WANT TO BE WITH ME. IS THIS MEANT TO BE??? PLEASE HELP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN. THANK YOU SOO MUCH.
EMILY

I'm gonna put my two cents into this...so sorry if this is blunt...it's time to move on.
Because you were in an abusive RL, you really don't have any idea as to what a real RL is like. So you gravitated to the first guy who payed attention to you, and when he said I love you...that hooked you in more. Unfortunately you are pushing the issue with someone that is NOT worth your time. You are both young and still trying to figure what you want in life. Even with men at this age you need to understand is that they are WAY immature...more immature then women. It's about when they go into their late 20's that they know what they want, and get their head on straight.
As you said in your post, you hung out with him everyday...then he said the L word...and that hooked you in. If someone truely loved you, they would devote themselves into keeping that RL...as BF/GF and not as some side thing or "for the time being" thing like your situation.
I personally don't see any need to save something that really wasn't there in the first place. This guy wants his space and is making it very clear to you, but you keep pursuing the issue with him, getting very upset at the fact that he's just living his life, and has brushed you to the side.
If you want to know what the deal is with him...I would do a face to face, ask him if he wants to be with you, be BF/GF and have a RL. If he makes excuses or says no, then you have your answer, and move on from there. You are better than this, and I know this sounds really far off but there are PLENTY of men out there that will treat you better.
I would really work on YOU, whether it be loosing weight, going to school, or whatever to be a better person. Men will see that you are doing good things, and taking care of yourself and will notice you! TRUST ME...they will!
Getting yourself established in life is the first step to becoming a better you. When you work on yourself, and your future goals, you in turn become a better girlfriend, wife, mother. You have a lot of time to work on and think about things before you can truely spend the rest of your life with someone, don't waste your time on someone that's not spending time on you.