Pls help me make sense outta this...
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| Thu, 11-03-2005 - 2:08am |
Had met this guy in one of my social group. All my friends (within the same group) have said he's a nice guy and told me he was available. Since then, we've been having a secret physical relationship. However, after being with him for over a month, he finally told me he's got a gf back home and it's unfair to her and we must stop this. It has been months since his 'confession', and we have continued being friends.
But lately been feeling more for him - like I truly care for him. He's still the same nice guy and we hang out very often in the week and have gotten to know each other better. Somehow I feel like we're drawn to each other and seem mutually attracted - this time not physical. It's starting to show as when we're among friends, they question us whether or not we're seeing each other as our body language tells otherwise of just merely friends. He always hangs with me when we're out in a group - taking every opportunity to sit and stand beside me - basically having my presence near him...and so do I. We're just extremely comfortable with one another and we understand each other even non-verbally.
I'm not in the position to do anything or take our friendship further because he's unattainable. Have tried in a way to talk to him about it, but he has told me that I should look for a man who's only got eyes for me and that would be 100% commmitted to me. But on the other hand, when he goes back home (to his gf), he still messages me everyday asking how my day went, etc. He's very generous towards me and gives me gifts. Since we have stopped the physical r/ship, I do not feel at all I'm "the other woman".
I also don't think he's 2-timing, but I do believe in a way he's as confused as I am in this situation. Could it be that the timing is just not right, that we indeed want something to happen but unfortunately under the circumstances of him having a gf, he can't?
I tried stopping our friendship because of this, but I miss him dearly that I'm willing to surpress my feelings to be his friend. Should I wait for him to figure out what he feels towards his gf, and what he feels towards me?
I'm just so confused and I don't really know what to make out of this whole thing :(
Your opinions appreciated. Thx.

Move on romatically and if remaining friends with him is preventing you from doing that then explain to him why you can't be close friends with him any more. It sounds like he'll understand.
I was once in a similar situtaion and trust me they don't leave the gf. For all practicla purposes they might as well be married. It doesn't matter how miserable she makes him or how unhappy he is with her or how much he leans on you and comes to you for advice about his relationship. It doens't even matter if he wants to be with you or not. He's with her and there is a 98% or better probability he is going to stay with her.
Maybe after you have moved on and found someone you care about even more then you do him you can be friends again.
That's what I would have to do. I'd have to take breaks from him because it would get so confusing for me. I'd have to step away to regain my bearings because I wasn't finding anyone right away.
And it is confusing I mean anytime you meet a nice guy and your a nice girl and there's some physical spark, it seems like, "Hey, this should work." The thing is most times it isn't that simple. These is part of most times. It's complicated and confusing but the solution is simple: Move on.