political agreement a must?
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political agreement a must?
| Thu, 09-22-2005 - 5:15pm |
How important is it for a couple to have the same political views? My bf and I have different takes on things, he is of one party and I am of another. The only reason I know this is because he is so vocal about what he believes and how he thinks the other side is wrong. He doesn't know my view on things, not because I have denied it, I just haven't made a point to bring it up. I'm afraid of him putting down my opinions or wanting to get into some kind of debate with me trying to prove his point. I refuse to argue about politics though, because I personally think it is pointless, cause you're never gonna be able to change the other person's mind. I'm not about to make some big deal out of it, I think it'll just come up when it's supposed to, but do you think this could be a problem in the future? We get along and mesh really well, so is a similiar view on politics necessary as well?

I think that it depends on the subject. For example, I'm what some would call a "bleeding heart leftie". But that being said, I could not ever date someone who did not have compassion and tolerance. My passions run deep on the subject of tolerance: be it for different religions, nationality, sexuality and disability.
There are degrees however. For example, here in Australia, we incarcerate illegal immigrants for years on end. Now, I COULD live with someone who advocated caution with who we let in, but I could not live with someone who rejected any person who was not caucasion. Or someone who ranted that every Muslim was a potential terrorist. The whole reason I hold this firm view is because I believe that a lack of tolerance is a major character flaw in a partner.
Likewise, I could not be with someone who supported a Bush type policy of advocating "abstinance only" education in our schools. Because I would perceive this as a character flaw in my partner. That is, having unrealistic and short sighted methods of dealing with problems.
So, getting back to your issue, have a look at what he's advocating. Does it show some personality traits that you could not live with?
**disclaimer: I'm not criticising other poster's political beliefs. This is simply my view of politics. If a reader differs from me, it simply means that we could not be partners. Nothing more**
I kind of agree, but I do feel that the subject at hand very much matters. If the debate is intellectual, I believe that the partners could comfortably co exist. For example: Treasury issues.
However, if it comes to how one treats fellow human beings in the practice of life, I think that political differences could cause a major rift.
Imagine a pacifist being married to an army officer sent to Iraq. The political differences would be too huge to work though.
Another example; our previous neighbours were Lebanese Muslim. (I'm a white Australian athiest) They were a lovely family and our kids and their's were in and out of each other's homes continually. The mum even welcomed me into her kitchen taught me to cook Lebanese food. Now, if I had been married to racially/religiously intolerant man, this would have caused a HUGE rift in our family. Imagine me being happy to let our kids play together, but a husband refusing it? I could not in a million years respect an opposing opinion on this. Why? Because it's vitally important to me for my kids to be raised as tolerant citizens.
Also, if my partner was intolerant to disability, imagine the problems that would have happened when our son was diagnosed autistic. And for the record, I have seen many marriages fall apart because one partner could not accept having a disabled child.
I also mentioned the stance on 'abstinance only' sex ed. If I had a partner who took this stance, one could only imagine the rift when we try to raise our children.
I do believe that many of our political beliefs show what type of person we are. And I would not choose to marry a person who's political beliefs led me to believe that their values and morals were far different to mine.
>>What has racism got to do with politics?<<
I was reading in today's newspaper that Bush admitted that the poverty of the African Americans in areas devestated by Katrina has it's roots in racism. How is this not a political issue? Likewise, issues of national security and racism seem to go hand in hand (or at least it does here in Australia). Looking back to the US treatment of blacks over the years...even back to the Civil War and before...I can see a lot of political/racial issues in the US.
Here in Australia racism is a huge political issue and can make or break a party at election time. Disability is not a political issue here, but it should be. When it's election time, many parties don't even publicise their policies for supporting the disabled and mentally ill. Sadly, there are too few votes from the disabled so they don't count.... sorry, I digress.
Back to racism. We've recently had politicians wanting us to follow in the footsteps of France and ban Muslim girls from wearing headscarves to school. Our indigenous Australians are living in abject poverty with a life expectancy much lower than the average Australian - this is something that only politicians can address. It's about funding and health....but they're black and a minority, and there's no votes in fixing their situation. The issue of incarcerating illegal immigrants (including children) for years on end is a HUGE political issue here. A couple of years ago, there was even a seat in parliament given to a party who extolled the "White Australia" policy.
(If I were to meet someone who supported the above party, I just *know* that it the relationship would end in grief. LOL)
I'm not suggesting that everyone should have my attitude, but I do believe that one's politics are a window to their soul and will show me their principals. Quite honestly, if I were dating again, I'd be talking politics within the first few dates to see if his principals were compatible with mine. (there is always some political issue in the media to discuss!)
Many posters talk about having "ups and downs" and fighting, however I believe that if a couple's principals in life are the same, this can be avoided. My DH and I never argue because we share the same principals in life. We also never disagree on how to raise our children, again because we share the same principals. (I just can't get my head around the idea that one person on the far left could have similar principals to a person on the far right)
Yes, one can change over time, but who wants to take that chance when there are so many other great men out there? Don't we all advise posters to look at who we've got now, and not who they could become?
I probably should also clarify and say that I've got a list of "dealbreakers" a mile long, and politics is just one of those dealbreakers. I mean, I'd also dump a guy who raised his voice at me. So it does come back to me being fussy. But my fussiness has paid off.
Edited 9/23/2005 7:50 pm ET ET by iv_aisha2004
The issue doesn't seem to be your different political beliefs, but your own insecurity in yourself.
You believe what you believe, yet you're not willing to fight for it or even state it because you're afraid of this opinionated extremist.
Some people enjoy political debates. It helps them hone their own opinions. If you don't, then it doesn't make sense to discuss this with him. But at some point, you'll end up hating him a little bit for being so wrong himself. But if you speak up, you can just agree not to discuss politics.
Maybe yours aren't so strongly formed yet or you feel them rather than have the ability to back them up and this makes you insecure about them.
But it doesn't make sense to go through life worried about people putting you down. Have enough of a backbone to stand up for what you believe or say, "I'd rather not discuss it."
I recently moved to a predominantly Democratic state and most, if not all, of the wonderful friends I've made here share this political belief, however, I (for the most part) am Republican. I don't agree with everything the Republican party does (nor do most people who "belong" to any party) but for the most part I have Republican/conservative beliefs. I don't even think I've told any of my friends about my viewpoints, they just assume I'm a Democrat, I can tell this with topics they bring up and the occassional Bush-bashing. It's not that I don't disagree with their beliefs (because I do) but I do not voice my opinion simply because I do not feel the need to challenge someone or debate it, I definitely do not support their opinions but I keep to myself. If they asked me directly I would tell them and I would never attend any sort of anti-Bush thing or gather around to watch Michael Moore stuff, but the issue has not come up yet to the point where it's bothered me.
I'm not sure if this would be different if I was dating someone or not, for the most part, unless there are very strong differences between a topic I feel is very important to me it doesn't matter. For example, a man's opinion on abortion would matter to me but many other topics would not. For me politics is usually not a dealbreaker, unless they rant on and on about something or make it a point to throw it in my face all of the time, but that goes back to being respectful and not so much simply having a difference of opinion.