possible make up?
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possible make up?
| Mon, 01-30-2006 - 9:22pm |
Me and my bf broke up a few weeks ago and we are just now starting to talk again. I've been going through a hard time and he tries to make me feel better. But while doing so, he's flirting with me. I do still care about him a lot and want to get back together but i'm not sure how to interpret his actions.

I'm in the same position that you are. Just a few weeks off of a RL. Of course talking to him and seeing him will make you feel better. You both still have those feelings for each other, with the flirting and the mixed messages going on. You might as well cut it all off, it's only going to prolong any feelings/hurt/pain. You both broke up for a reason, don't keep hurting yourself.
I don't know how old you guys are, how long you were together, and why you broke up. So I'll try to give you the best advice here from my personal story.
From me being in a 3.5 yr RL that was basically going no where, I have learned a lot. I still love him, and I still miss him, and he has told me basically the same things. I have expressed to him that I need to move on with my life, I was unhappy, moody, crying a lot, and wasn't in love with him anymore. I packed all of his stuff away months ago, and I knew I had to face the truth. A lot of feelings were gone between us, we were arguing all the time, I never saw him as much as I used to, and that "in love" feeling was just gone. I saw him a few times over the past few weeks, there was too much sexual tension and feelings between us, he said that never stopped loving me, missed me, and that I did more for him that anyone else. Then about a week ago I made the mistake of hanging out with him again... and got my feelings hurt. After that day, I said no more, no more contact...no nothing.
Knowing that I heard all that he wanted to say to me, I'll move on knowing that what he said was honest, and that I wanted to leave this in a good way, not hating each other or hurting each other...he seemed to agree. I know that he's hurting just as much I am, but I get strength from those people around me like friends and family... and in time I'll move on.
You need to ask yourself why you two broke up, why you or him was unhappy, and you need to keep that idea in your head. Of course you want to go back to that good feeling, that person that holds you at night and tells you everything is going to be ok, and all is right in the world. Trust me, I want that more than anything in the world right now..sleeping in his bed..his smell..his voice..and all the good things with that. But I know that I can't go into that trap...it's only gonna hurt me more.
You need to take comfort in your friends and family, even if it's just one person that will listen to what you have to say. Even if it's writing up on this site. Trust me, I know that looking back on my RL, even if he wanted me back...I would say no. First I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to settle down, and I knew that the RL would go no where. Second, afer all this time, he's not ready for marriage or moving in together, he's so wrapped up in his friends, completely selfish and self centered, doing stuff for them, hanging out with them..somewhere along the line I was always pushed to the bottom. Lastly, he wasn't secure in his finances, his job, or anything else for that matter, and really doesn't put his money where his mouth is. I know now that a lot of his issues/problems relate to his rough childhood, not a lot of love or support at home, and I pray that he learns and figures things out in time.
Like everyone else had told me, there are plenty of guys out there. You will love again, you will have RL again. And yes somewhere along the line your ex will start to try and contact you. I know in the past few weeks, I'm a lot happier. Keep yourself busy with other things, try and move on with your life, remove things that remind you of him (pictures, etc). Just know that you'll do things when you are ready, your not alone, everyone has to go through all of this, and know at the end of the day you'll be ok. :-)
I fyou two broke up, you broke up for a reason.
Well, if you brokeup because you two want two different things out of life nad from life - then getting back together now won't change that. Unlessone of you now wants what the other does by personal choice and reasons not just to "have someone to sleep with and get comfort from".
But if he's contacting you to comfort you - don't assume he's flirting. If you want to ask him out do it - you two have a history together. But what you're not wanting ot do is "pick up where you left off" -that was at break up city because of a lack of shared something.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com