Is this possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Is this possible?
22
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 1:28am
Is it possible to just know about someone being right for you even only after a few weeks of dating and about 8 outings or so and spending pretty much this whole weekend with him. I'm beginning to really feel like I found the perfect match for me and I have no doubts now in my mind about that. It just feels right. Has anyone determined this so soon into the dating period and then it turned out to be right??

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 2:31pm

Well, anything's *possible*, but is it likely? IMO, no. I have had a couple relationships where I felt that it was right and meant to be from the start and I thought, oh, this is what people mean! Turns out, I was oh so wrong!!! That's why I really am skeptical now when people say you just "know". I think that's only true in 20/20 hindsight...those few relationships that do work out despite a fast start which are much more the exception than the rule.

In fact, what happened was that I ignored the warning signs when they started to surface (around the 3 month point in each case) because I was so convinced the guy was "right" for me and I was so emotionally involved I felt I had to make it work.

Time will tell, Barb. And by "time", I mean 4-6 months, not a few weeks. As one of my favorite relationship books says (and I'm paraphrasing here), if it's the love of a lifetime, you'll have a lifetime to enjoy it so what's the rush?

What have the two of you talked about as far as exclusivity and what you each want in a relationship?

Sheri

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Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:09pm
I see your point and what you are saying and it does make sense that you never know until the 6 month mark really but for some reason I just think this is different. I can't really explain it. But like you said it can seem different and not be. Well, we both want the same things out of a relationship and we both know that we would like to not date others at this point in time because we see some really good potential here.
I think going through hardships together and seeing how stresses affect that person or the relationship is a good indicator. He's a great communicator so far and we both have talked a lot about a ton of different things in depth plus he's a kind, caring, geniune soul so far. I have to see if this continues but he honestly has treated me super well (beyond my expectations) since day one. I guess like you said only time will tell. Maybe this is different, maybe it isn't but so far I think this has great potential.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:29pm

I would have said the exact same thing about those relationships I was talking about (that it seemed different and I couldn't explain exactly why) so I can definitely relate to how you are feeling.

And you could well be right...it's just too soon to tell. Stay positive and excited about him, he really does sound great, but remind yourself often that time will tell. I truly believe that it takes a good 3 months before the "real" person starts to come out. Not that either of you is being "fake", per se, but you are both putting your best dating foot forward, if you will. After 3 months, those best foot forward masks start to come off.

And remember, to cite the other board we post on, both of you are in the attraction stage at this point, you need to go through the uncertainty stage so be prepared for that ;-).

Sheri

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Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:57pm
You found me on the site even though I'm there incognito with the different alias ;-)
I thought you might know it was me though because it's kind of obvious.
I agree. We both are in the attraction phase right now and it will develop to uncertainty in a bit. I think we both are putting our best foot forward right now and you are right that it takes awhile for those "slight masks" to come off. I don't see any red flags as of yet. I see a few minor flaws of course because no one is perfect but I'm willing to accept him for those minor flaws and he knows some of mine so he's willing to accept those as well so far. It's hard to take things day by day sometimes when you are super excited about something, but I'm trying my best not to look too much into the future and stay in the present.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 4:06pm

Oh, I didn't realize you were trying to be incognito, sorry! I just figured you signed up with a different name because this one wasn't available or you just wanted a change of pace or something like that ;-).

In any event, yes, it is hard to stay in the moment but I would urge you to keep trying anyway ;-). I use the "time will tell" mantra many times a day when I'm excited about a new guy, LOL!

Sheri

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Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:16pm
No worries. I saw you on that site and knew that you would know it was me. I'm ok with you knowing ;-) I used the different name because I felt it suited me better but also to stay a little private too. Don't mind that you know.
I try my best to use that mantra as well. "Time will Tell" becasue it's so true and even when you think you have something great going, it can all be taken away or turn to be not so great with a snap of your fingers, that's what's so scary and risky about relationships. I do fear that things with this guy will turn out not to be as great as I thought in another month or couple of weeks or whatever but no one should continue to live in fear because you never get ahead that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 7:48pm

hey biochic,


just wanted to write. so, incognito, huh? i'm so curious. lol. j/k. y'know, i think you have your head on straighter. you are wary, with one foot in the water but yet, testing to see how it feels. It's a good place. Just "knowing" it's right and the chances of it being right, honestly, it depends on the person. In your case, I'd say, he is a good fit, but you won't know, without time telling, or well, Michele. Just like the Navy guy, he was a good fit on many levels. But he wasn't what you wanted as a whole. This guy, right now, it's on "many levels" but not all quite yet. As Sheri said, "time will tell".


On my side. I have felt that feeling many times. I would say, I was more wrong than not. However, I also know, the person I am today, if I met that other person today, it'd be a whole new ballgame. Like the 2xh, well, you know the story. I couldn't for a fact say it'd work out and we'd live happily ever after, however, I do know, we've changed so much, that yes, it probably would last forever. And that's the difference. I know me more than I did then. He knows himself more than he did then. We fixed ourselves, we both are more healthy than before.


I think, with your growth, you may be on the right track with this guy. I honestly never understood the whole friggen, "if it's right, then what's the rush", until now. If you feel like rushing, then you can tell yourself it's more passion/chemistry/lust than a true love/commitment. Remember the 2xh? Well, I know, in my heart, there is no rush for the both of us. When it's right (and when I say that, I mean, IF we have a chance to be together, it won't be because we hurt or left other ppl, it'll be because we are single for whatever reasons), it'll happen. Maybe this lifetime, maybe not. But I honestly in my heart, don't feel any need to jump after it...because I konw it'll be there always.


So, yeah, if it's right, then there shouldn't be a rush to marry, to have a r'ship, to have sex (okay, maybe that one would be physical frustration. lol), to do anything. It will feel good, regardless. Yes, you'll want those things, but there shouldn't be that NEED to rush things. Does that make sense? IMHO, that is a true sign, that you are happy with where you are, who you are,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 5:30pm
Thanks for keeping me in check IDM as you always do ;-) and also thank you Sheri for that too. I am starting to notice that he does pay me compliments so much that it's overkill sometimes and see some insecurities that he has. Overall things are still going really good but like always, there are flaws and I am going to be cautious by observing these and seeing how I handle them and how he handles them. I think you can feel it's right in the beginning during the attraction/infatuation phase but then you start seeing things about everyone that are flaws for sure and then you go into the uncertainty stage as you were mentioning Sheri. I know he's still in the infatuation stage because he lets me know constantly how into me he is and how much he's flying high since he met me. It's wonderful to hear but I want to make sure we get to know each other on less of an infatuation based thing and know each other as friends and connect on that level too. I think because things have developed so quickly with us that I'm currently thinking of things and taking a step back and reassessing. I think this is good because one of us has to do this and I know he's still on cloud 9 lol. I need to figure out how to get him to calm down a little with the compliments and just want to be around me and to tell me about him and not focus on me so much. I never thought I could be complimented too much but in this case I think I am going through that right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 5:31pm

Biochic, I've got a positive story about instant attraction.

When my husband and I had been together only a few weeks, he felt that it was so right that he cancelled an overseas work posting so that he could stay around and persue our relationship.

Having said that, we broke just about every dating rule there was. LOL I had been seperated from my 1st husband for only two months and was still formally married when I met my now husband. DH and I slept together on the day we met. We moved in together after 4 months of dating. We combined our bank accounts after about 6 months of dating.

That was 14 years ago. We've now got two wonderful kids and a match made in heaven.

(PS, you wrote "no worries" on a previous post. Are you Australian too?)

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 1:14pm
I think I posted something a lot like this over the summer. I met this incredible guy in May and after a few months started thinking he was the one for me. Everyone told me to slow down...haha. Well anyway, we're still together and he's still awesome. I know that even if he is who i'm going to spend the rest of my life with, I'm not ready to get married right now. I have about a year and a half left in college and I want to be a lot closer to finishing that before I start trying to plan a wedding. So for the time being, I'm just really enjoying being with him.... don't be afraid of the infatuation thing, itll go away on its own. Enjoy it while it lasts!!!

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