pregnant from a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
pregnant from a friend
18
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 3:17pm
about 6 months ago things happend between myself and a friend ..i ended up pregnant from it he once mentioned seeing if we could be more then friends but with finding out about the baby and being uncertin i wasnt very responsive ,he started talking about his best friend which is a female which made me turn in the oposite direction .
theyve been best friends for about 8 years now and hes now in the last little bit been talking of wanting to get with her as more then a friend ,sad but i have finally come to terms with how i feel and the pregnancy and feel so overwhelmed because i feel i wasted to much time and now have no chance being more then just his friend if i ever in fact really ever had a chance with him in this way .
im very confused and dont know what to do about it all he keeps telling me he needs to see whats going on with his friend ,hes told me that hes mentioned dating to her but that she says she doesnt want to ruin their friendship .
he hasnt told her about the baby and says hes worried about how she will take it because he figures she would wonder why he didnt wait for her.
i dont know if i should just walk away and just have him see the baby on the weekends etc or if i should say something to him about how i feel .

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 6:33pm
I can understand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 12:18am
I went thru a similar situation. I got pregnant with my son when I was 20. I wasn't with his father that long. My son was definitely a surprise. The father and I talked thoughout the pregnancy but I he did not want to be a dad. I also had complications during the whole pregnancy and my son was born 3 1/2 months early. My family was very supportive (after the initial shock) and my son is now 15, as of tomorrow, and very healthy. It wasn't easy being a single mom especially when he was little but I have to say He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Good luck and keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 3:08pm

Hi Quistis23,
I read your message and I am a single mom. My son is 10 years old. I wasn't that clear on what your relationship was before you got pregnant Friends? When a baby is due to arrive people act very strangely. When it's an unplanned pregnancy by someone you were not even dating things get very complicated. I am sure he is stressed out. You on the other hand have an obligation to take care of yourself. Having a baby means that you are no longer just thinking about yourself. That baby is going to want to know where his or her father is. Does he want to be part of the babies life? Does his family know about your pregnancy? Are they involved? Try to establish a working relationship with the father. Things could change you never know. It's your job to try to give your baby the best possible opportunites. Here is what I would do.

1. Focus on yourself and the baby

2. Get serious about what role he wants to take, talk child support now.

3. Pray any prophet will due.

4. Don't engage in hostile conversations

5. Stay productive

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 4:00pm

I've wrestled with whether or not to post here, because it's not going to win me any brownie points. I'm not sure if this has been brought up or not, but regardless it needs to be said.

I want you to do something. Forget about your feelings all wrapped up here. Forget about this "friend" and his selfish dating problems. All I want you to do is think about your baby. Picture him/her. Imagine yourself five years into the future. You've missed the first smile. You've missed the first steps. She/He called the daycare lady mommy. Hear the heartbreaking screams of seperation while you drop your child off to make it to one of the two jobs you'll need to support yourselves. Look into the devistated eyes of your child while you have to explain to him/her why daddy is choosing to be more involved with his wife and other children, why he makes time for them but not him/her. Do you want to only be a part time mommy, because that's all you can be while working full time to afford to live? Is that the life you want for your baby? To be shuffled between moms house and dads house, never having their own HOME? And that's if dad wants to still be involved in the childs life. Therapists offices are kept alive by adults who were children growing up in this exact situation. Is this the life your baby deserves? Or does s/he deserve a loving devoted two parent family, where his/her very existance isn't an "oopsie", a "mistake", or an "accident", but is instead the blessing and God answered prayer they've been longing for?

I beg you. Put your own feelings aside and truly breath in the reality of what not putting your child up for adoption means. A good mother, ney a GREAT mother does what is best for her child regardless of herself and the life you can offer right now is not the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 11:59am
I just wanted to say hello & i hope u had a great weekend!
Veronica
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 12:13am
hi well no i didnt actually ive spent almost the past 2 weeks in the hospital i am having the baby next week at 34 weeks in edmonton alberta the baby turned out to be anemic from me havin a tumor on my placenta so they had to admit me and give her a blood tranfusion through the placenta shes ok now but there not takin any chances .. but shes almost 4 lbs ans ive had a steriod shot to mature her lungs so we shouldnt be up there for to long i dont think
well i have to go
thanks for thinkin of me
ciao carla
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 1:07pm

Carla,


Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:39am

Carla,


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