Pressure?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Pressure?
3
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:50pm

I have seen on here in a few posts about pressure. I was wondering how you feel you can pressure a guy. I have seen many guys pressure each other but never have I seen or heard a guy say “oh, well man she pressured me.” Especially when it comes down to things like being in a relationship, getting married, deciding to date you, or to say I love you. If I am wrong, do feel me in and any guys out there that have felt obligated to do any of these because a woman asked you, gave you an ultimatum, or decided to leave because you wouldn’t comply please respond. For the women, why do you feel that expressing yourself is pressuring the guy?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 12:51am
I don't feel like expressing myself and my wants and goals is pressuring a guy but I feel like giving a man an ultimatum by saying "marry me or else" is definately putting the pressure on. If you mention that you would like marriage in the near future in a way that's not demanding and without putting the pressure on, then that's expressing yourself. i don't think pressure/ultimatums is a good idea because it only pushes the other person away and I wouldn't be proud to be in a r'ship with a man that I had to "pressure" into commitment or marriage. That's not the way it should be, you should have 2 willing parties. I think you can give yourself an internal time limit and ultimatum as to when you will walk if he doesn't want commitment marriage after discussing that you do want it, but don't tell him that you are giving him a time limit give him some time and space to think about it after you express your feelings without pressure and if he doesn't come around in your time limit then tell him that you need to let go of him because he isn't able to give you what you want. I don't think most men respond to pressure and if they do they usually aren't happy about it and I don't think I would want to be with a man that's unhappy about his decision to marry/commit to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 6:08am

My take on this one is that, a guy feels cornered or trapped. But I also think that if he is worth your love and the relationship is worth having, it may only be a temporary state, and that he will stick around, or come back around if he really wants you in his life.

I stuck it out for months with mine, knowing that i wasnt the only woman in his life. He knew I didnt want that and that it hurt me. It took him a few months, but he finally made the choice to give me what I wanted, because he knew if he didnt, he would most likely lose me from his life! AND yes he would have!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 7:26am
We need to move this post up the line!! Come on everyone reply!! I think we all have thougts on this and its a great post. It may help alot of us to hear why things go this way and why we women feel like we are pressuring the men!! How about our pressure that they bring to us, or the stress ???? LOL