Problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Problem?
1
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 12:35am
So me and my bf have been together for 10 months now. when we first started dating we had sex a lot and stuff. but now I just don't feel very sexual lately. I'm not that sexual a person to begin with. I feel some things are more important in a relationship then sex. But I do tend to worry about...everything. and now I'm worring about this. I still feel very much in love with my bf and just the thought of losing him brings tears to my eyes and makes me feel afraid. He says that its ok. And we do still have sex, just not as much as we used to. Also when I started taking birth control about 7 months ago I thought it was that but now i've been off for about a month and I still don't get turned on a lot. Of course I did just start a new job and my old job was very stressful. but im not sure if that would have anything to do with it. Our relationship seems good to me. I'm happy when I'm not worring to much. Some times my bf bugs me and sometimes we argue but we always resolve any fights quickly and I am a very impatient person with everyone. I guess relationships are something you have to work at. they don't just happen by themselves. I just get worried because of the sex thing. and its not just with my current bf. in the past its been the same thing. I don't orgasim very easily or get turned on quickly so it takes a bit of work. I was just wondering if there was something wrong with my relationship or if it was ok to not be that sexual of a person?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
In reply to: me333206
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 2:47pm

Quick question.

So, in the beginning, were you faking being turned on and excited (orgasms, wanting sex, etc), or did you truly WANT it?

BTW, what is "not wanting it a lot"? Remember some women think not wanting it everyday or only wanting it once a week is "wrong".

My big concern would be how different you and your bf's libido truly is and how much he truly needs it, versus just wanting it. i.e. my bf has a very high sex drive. He always said he needs to have sex a minimum of one time a day. Or he masturbates once a day. Well, for the past three years, we have sex, on average 1-2 times a week. I haven't heard him once tell me he needs it more. AND I have asked him (since with his xgf they had sex twice a day all the time), does he still feel he needs it everyday, or does he actually ENJOY THE ACTUAL ACT more now because it's "quantity vs quality"? He actually said, he could have it a bit more, would like it bit more, but overall, he's happy with what he gets, because it IS BETTER quality than his xgf of twice a day. I told him, when we live together, it'll prolly be Fri/Sat/Wed. lol. Cuz if I have sex everyday, I get bored bored bored outta my mind. Trust me. I was once an everyday kind of girl, but now, I'm fine with 1-2 a week, if that. I'd rather spend quality time with him, than being in bed with him all the time.

So.......I guess, I'd need to know those few things first. What is "not often". Were you faking liking sex in the beginning? If not, what has changed? Do you think you could have some repressed sexual issues that is affecting you. Why is it difficult for you to O or even to become turned on? Is he not doing things right? Are you not telling him what to do? etc, etc, etc. You don't have to answer all the sex questions, but just think about them.

Hugs. and good luck. trust me. i was a horndog all my life. Then all of a sudden, I didn't want sex at all. It just turned off like a light switch. It has worried me a lot. But as time went on, I came to accept it, and also, to realize, I'd rather spend time with my bf, rather than just screwing him all the time, or thinking about sex with him, or wanting it, or etc etc etc (as i did with others).