Questioning Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Questioning Relationship
3
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 5:21pm
I've been dating this guy for a couple of months, and I am beginning to question whether he is attracted to me or not, or if he truly likes me. The main problem is his obsession with his former crush. I became friends with this girl that he is good friends with, and I had my suspicions about their relationship. I asked him about it and he said that there was nothing between them, but soon I found out that he had an unrealized crush on her for an whole year (unfortunately she told him she only sees him as a friend). Still friends with her, he constantly brings her name into our conversations and even once suggested I grow my hair out natural (she has a short natural haircut while I sport a perm)! His conversations with her are high in number and often great. They have alot in common and he even sugested she come and visit him during the summer (He lives in D.C. her in Virginia). He hasn't even kissed me yet, minus kisses on the cheek and head. He never tells me I'm pretty or compliments me! We even slept in the same bed twice and all it seems he's interested in doing is cuddling and holding hands!!! He seems to care for me, and buys me little cute unexpected presents but I don't think he really sees me as a girlfriend. I'm scared he still likes the other girl, and I just seemed like an okay girlfriend material at the time. Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 5:35pm

fuuma17...

Is your world going to come to a screeching halt if this man should disappear from your life? .

You're not getting the compliments or the commitment you want because THIS MAN AIN'T OVER THE EX-G/F!

That leaves you with the choice of taking him as he IS....or finding a man who will love, praise and pamper you like crazy?

Ask yourself which of the two options above is MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:35pm

Hello Sweetness! Please listen to PianoGuy. IMO your guy is DEFINITELY not over his "CRUSH". From reading your post, you are a safe female friend (i.e., that's why he can sleep in the same bed with you and do no extras). Trust me, I've BTDT. It's no reflection on you, so please try not to take it to heart (it's hard, I know). He will need to get this crush out of his system before he can give you anything. I do believe he does care for you thou, but only as a friend. If it's any consolation, be glad he has enuf respect for you not to use you. You two could possibly become platonic friends - but the answers lie within you and if you can deal with it. Good luck to you.

P.S. - PG, thanks for the male perspective. Take care and God Bless!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 3:17pm
Sorry to say this, but I have to agree with the others ... you're a safe female friend ... he's not purusing you romantically ... and he's talking about this other girl constantly. Well, he's definitely not over her. If you enjoy his company, that's great ... I just wouldn't expect him to be more than 'just friends' with you at this point. If it's too hurtful for you to spend time with him, if you have feelings for him, while he talks about this other girl ... then, you'll have to let go of the friendship, too.