QUITE CONFUSED
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| Fri, 03-04-2005 - 7:48am |
Now, someone has to tell me if what I did was really wrong.
You see, I'm a writer and I write these short stories for a local magazine and well one time, some time last week, I wrote a story about a woman in a relationship that wasn’t like working for her. It may have contained a little of what my boyfriend and I were going through at some point, but most of it was just fiction. So my problem is that he somehow got the mag and read my story and is now not talking with me. I tried to explain to him that this was just a story but he said he didn’t see it like that. He said he didn’t know that I felt that way about our relationship, so I said then why don’t we talk about it? I have sent him like 4 emails to apologize, and he has not responded to any. What should I do now? Should I just leave him alone and walk away or should I still try and explain myself? I am beginning to see no sense in our relationship if a small little thing could affect him this way. What about the sacrifices and adjustments I have had to make in my life? I moved to a new town to be with him, I gave up a good job and now this? I am a little angry too at the fact that he reacted this way about something so petty. It was JUST a story and really didn't reflect anything happening in our relationship then or now. I'm sure a lot of women can relate to it, because it deals with what happens in any good relationship.
This situation is really choking me up and I need some help here, anyone!!!!

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Ok, a lot of guys are REALLY private about the relationship they are in. My guy used to HATE, I mean really HATE the fact that I talked to my friends about us...Even GOOD things. To him our relationship was private, only for the 2 of us. If your guy is like that, then to him, you just did something that WOW not many women could do.
Do I think you did anything wrong? No, as a woman I personally don't think you did. BUT I can see where you guy might think otherwise. To him you PUBLISHED your relationship for everyone to see. And especially if the story was a little "worse" than you relationship...ouch, he might think that's how you really feel.
He's really hurt and confused by what he read. Give him time. He might just be waiting to calm down before he talks to you.
Without reading the story I can't get his side of things. I can't imagine what was so bad that he would become so angry he wouldn't speak to you. Is he really THAT sensitive a person?
I've also been a writer, and I know that many stories come from experiences in and around our lives. Again, I don't know what the story said, but I would think he would be proud of your work being published (unless it was something that the entire town would recognize and could turn it into a major gossip column).
Let me ask you something. You left a good job to move to where he is. Are you living with him now? And are you working a "real" job or writing full-time? The reason I ask this is because my ex-husband was jealous of my writing because I stayed home to do it and didn't have to get up and go to work everyday like he did. Also, I didn't make as much money as he did. So, I'm asking about your job status because I'm wondering if there is an underlying anger or jealousy in your BF about your writing.
Thanks for your response. You know, even when I was writing the story, he wanted to read it and coz I knew there were a few sensitive issues in it, I didn't let him. I guess that's what drove him to go buy the magazine and read it. You, know there was a patch when we did have it rough and its funny coz I wrote the story last year when we were going through that. I just picked it up and added a few things to spice it up. We've had a very good year this year and its sad that something like this could threaten it.
Well I'll leave him some space and maybe he'll be able to communicate when he feels less angry with me. It just sucks to sit here and wonder what's going on in his head.
You see ddnlj, that is what's really bugging me. You see, I wrote the story last year when him and I had some problems over some girl I was told he was seeing. So I wrote the story in my angry state and just like put it away. He had to move to a new town and since I really didn't have much to stick around for, I moved too. I have a full time job and write only part time. We don't live together but spend most weekends together. He's always encouraging me to write and once he even paid for a weekend writers workshop for me in Iowa so I'm not sure if it's jealousy or what? The story is about a woman, in the first person, voicing out her feelingsn the present about her relationship and how she truly feels. The loneliness, the hurts, the joys, the everything. How she wishes love wouldn't be so complicated and how she sometimes feels like walking away but cannot coz she's in love. It's just a story that deals with all common concerns us women have. It does not describe particular events or anything that would drive him so mad!
I don't know what it is, but the silence is killing me.
I think he's acting like a wounded puppy!
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
If he actually recognized the situation by reading it in a magazine, it might have come as kind of a shock to him. It must have come awfully close to the real-life situation, in other words, not enough fiction there to cover up the reality. Maybe he feels he can't trust you now because you may reveal more of your life with him in the future.
But OK, it's written, it's published, it's done. Time to move on. You've apologized, you've grovelled, and hopefully told him you wouldn't write anything like that again. So what more can be done? He's really taking this thing kind of hard, and I think he's being a little hard on you. Maybe some recovery time on his part is in order, but if I were you I think I might wonder if his sensitivities could become a problem even if the relationship continues.
Well apologies should go a long way, but if there isn't explanation with that apology ~ he's still seeing it as that was how you felt about the relationship and he had to read it in a magazine rather than hear it from you.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
It sounds like he's only now realizing what being involved in a relationship with a writer means. He may have thought he could handle it in theory, but seeing the written words on the page was just too much, even though your work is fiction.
I can see how that would be difficult...I've often thought it would be very hard to be involved with a writer or songwriter (every time I listen to Ani DiFranco's lyrics, for example, I wonder how they must affect the people in her life). Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything you can DO...you've apologized; now it's up to him to decide if he can handle it.
Sheri
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