really messy situation... HELP
Find a Conversation
|Thu, 07-30-2009 - 11:09am|
sorry about the long post, but i really need some advice in this messy situation.
i'm 23. i was in a relationship with man A (i'll call him Bob) for 5 years (my first real relationship). relationship with Bob was mostly a fantastic one. we lived together for 3 years. we had a close circle of mutual friends (originally Bob's friends) who were really important to our happy little life. man B (let's call him Fred) was one of those friends. things were good. i thought we were going to have a family and be together forever.
Things with Bob started to decline but I kept up a pretty convincing front to friends and family. he made me feel responsible for all the times he got mad at me the fights we had. i helped to hide this from everyone. However Fred knew Bob pretty well and could sense things were going bad.
Towards the end of my relationship with Bob, Fred (along with some other friends) offerred me a lot of friendship and support in helping me to see how destructive the relationship had become.
After Bob and I split, I was homeless, terribly scared and alone.
I can honestly say, while I was with Bob i never ever even considered being with Fred. Ever. But he offerred me so much friendship and comfort, one night i was at his house watching dvds and i kissed him. We began a sort of "friends with benefits" arrangement, with a kind of understanding that it was not a good thing and that our relationship could go no further... yet we carried on like this for a while.
it was really intimate and we spent hours just hugging and everything seemed simple and ok with life while we were together.
last week he left to go on a holiday. just before he left i admitted i thought i had some feelings for him. now i am sure of it, i have never missed anyone the way i miss him...
yet the consequences of pursuing this would be huge. i am still in the same friendship circle as Bob and Fred.... if Bob found out I would worry for our safety, and we would be risking friendships, as well as raising questions about whether i was faithful in my relationship with Bob.
HELP? Is it worth pursuing this? I'm in a real conflict between head and heart... and I have no one to offer objective advice.