REALLY, REALLY confused!
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| Fri, 03-31-2006 - 5:45pm |
Alright, I've been "seeing" this guy for almost 5 months. He's alot older than me (almost 12yrs), which I like, most of the time... I'm 22, he's almost 35....... dating younger guys (for me) has never worked out well for me in the past, but I guess this isn't really working out "perfect" either, otherwise I wouldn't be on this website? Haha...anyhow, let's get to the goods.
Our relationship is quite sexual, and because of him being older (I know it's weird), I like the feeling of him initiating things. But I feel that sex is the only intimate thing we do. He never wants to "go out," or do much of, well, anything! Shoot, the last time I remember actually going out with him was for a boat party we had for Christmas - he met the parents, the whole nine yards...
He says he doesn't really want to have a "serious relationship," because his last g/f was way to controlling, and she pretty much screwed him over (she moved, and took everything with her), but he also says the notion of having a girlfriend is something he wants and he says to me that I'm the only girl that he sees being with right now, but seriously......I've told him that I want to be in a serious relationship with him, and his reply is always something like... "We're both really busy people, you've got a busy life, and so do I, so when I get to spend time with you, I want to spend it with you - not anyone else. I really don't feel the need to waste time by doing the whole "double-dating" thing, or meeting you friends, when its you I really want to be with, is that so bad?"
I am so confused. Please help a girl out!

Jane, you are a booty call. I'm sorry to be so blunt, and it's a pity that he made you think otherwise when he met your family, but you are only a booty call to him. He doesn't date you, he has sex with you. He doesn't want a commitment, or a relationship (other than sexual) with you.
He says he's too busy as an excuse to avoid telling you that you are just a booty call to him because then you would get upset with him and end the booty. Not only are you not going to have a serious relationship with him, you are not even going to have a casual dating relationship with him.
Please get smart and end this with him. He is an older guy using a young, inexperienced woman. You are worth so much more. Do yourself a favor and set your sights a lot higher than this guy.
what_jane_wants...
Pianoguy hasn't read all the other responses, but this is a "no-brainer!"
If the ONLY THING any man DESIRES from you is S-E-X, that's all you're gonna get!
Sure...you can begin to 'withhold it'---and that'll either make him angry enough to leave you...or wake him up to the fact that there are other pleasant activities available OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM?
Your biggest problem is the fact that YOU want a serious relationship...AND HE DOESN'T!
So unless one of you 'bends in the other's direction'----you'll always have "A MEXICAN STANDOFF" until one of you makes the choice to end things entirely!
Pianoguy
Walk away. Find yourself a man who can't wait to take you out in public because he is so proud to be seen with you, who is willing to things that you want to do because he cares about your happiness. Not this guy, who is only using you for sex. You are young, maybe you don't know this yet but there are a lot of great guys out there- this man is not one of them.
Don't waste your time trying to get him to agree to be in a relationship with you- he's not worth it.