Reconnection

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Reconnection
9
Fri, 12-11-2009 - 4:19pm

I met a girl about 10 years ago that used to come see my band.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: nittyranks
Fri, 12-11-2009 - 5:00pm

Hi there,

I know you said "you guys on this board" - not sure if you want only men to respond or just you all... anyway!

I very much do not believe in "signs" when it comes to relationship predictability - "signs" as in we both have the same scar or freckle, or we both showed up at the same place at the same time. All that to me, is not any type of indication on what kind of relationship will turn out.

To me it kind of falls into the same category as "love at first sight" and "one and only true love." Myths. These are love myths to me and they can get people in all sorts of heartache and trouble if they rule their relationships this way.

I don't want to indicate that what you have with this girl is nonsense! I just want to point out there are very logical and smart ways to approach relationships, and they have to do with making good decisions rather than looking for signs.

The book "Are You the One for Me?" by Barbara DeAngelis is a good on that debunks love myths and helps people sort out their patterns. If you've had a history of bad relationships, maybe this can shed new light on some of your patterns and teach you how to make good relationship decisions.

"I am searching for that reason why we connected?"

Since I'm a practical gal, I would have to guess either it was pure geographical coincidence you were at the same concert, or she was lonely/horny/bored and wanted someone there and you were familiar to her. You could date her and see if she is looking for what you are looking for as far as relationships go. I do not believe much in "the relationship gods are telling me she is the one" or "we were meant to run into each other" kind of stuff. It's geographical coincidence.

As you might tell, I don't read romance novels! :P

I didn't mean to rain on your parade, it's just my way opinion, but Good luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: nittyranks
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 1:16pm
No I understand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: nittyranks
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 5:37pm

Since I wrote this I have stopped looking for answers and just trying to see how things play out. I guess we want something magical in our lives sometimes but the truth is we just met 10 years later because of a gig.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
In reply to: nittyranks
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 6:27am
hmmm, i am a bit on the side of believing that everything happens for a reason and do take little 'hints' from the heavens.childish,i realize, but it makes me feel good!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: nittyranks
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:20pm

That's just it, we want to believe in something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: nittyranks
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 4:35pm

Hey there,

How is the relationship going so far? Are you living in the "now" or are you talking about that first time you all met?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: nittyranks
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 5:19pm
Its good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: nittyranks
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 11:57am

I had married parents and I still didn't know what a good relationship was (they obvious were not a right match)! I read lots of relationship books because really I was clueless and wanted a great relationship. So I educated myself. Like John Gottman and Mira Kirshembaum.

Best wishes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: nittyranks
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 4:31pm
Yeah you have to educate yourself almost.