Religion and Being Together

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Religion and Being Together
3
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 11:07pm

Hi all. I am extremely confused! A co-worker has been interested in me for approx. 3 months...we finally started seeing each other and talking over the telephone quite often for approx 3 weeks now.

Well, I was asked to meet his church friends and of course AT a church. Since I am not of that religion and do not go to an institute every Sunday, I do not feel comfortable meeting them in that environment, but I would be more than happy enough to meet them at a different location. It then got to the point of him discussing about marriage, kids, etc...and how he always envisioned having his ENTIRE family believing the same thing....

I then questioned him why would he be so interested in me for many months and even asked other coworkers to help him out to set something up with me...basically, going out of his way to "woo" me and all this time...NOT knowing what religion I am (even when we started seeing each other he never knew).....he concurred with that the fact he never knew...he mentioned that why we couldn't just "see what happens" with us...meaning, continue dating...but I feel that now that he has stated his future dreams with me...I did not feel comfortable just seeing each other for "fun" when I know deep down inside he will eventually pick someone else of the same religion.

we both agreed that we DO care for each other very, very much and he feels very torn right now...and it is his first time seeing other people outside of his religion...he states that he likes me because I am close to my family (which he never really had), caring, fun, and would be a good mom, etc.

I knew it was too good to be true...he's the most AMAZING person I have ever met...and we have many, many things in common, except the same religion. Well, I am waiting for him to tell me how he wants to proceed...I have already told him that I would like to still be with him and would continue to support his beliefs and would NEVER change that...and that I am very open-minded in regards to his beliefs...and it would be hard for me to be "just friends"...so now I just wait.

At times I feel like it is my fault or I'm being selfish to give him such an ultimatum...to pick me or not....I am very saddened that just one thing could tear everything apart.

Any thoughts would be great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 8:19am
I think you need to find out how he feels about your religion and work from there. I would bring it up a lot and ask him things like "how would you like to celebrate (festival x) with me?" If there is no way you would ever convert to his religion you should say so repeatedly. When he says he would like his kids to believe what he believes, counter with "I would like MY kids to believe what I believe," and watch for his reaction. Of course when people are in love sometimes they are deaf as well as blind. Good luck. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 5:19am

I most definately agree that this needs a lot of conversation. Iri is quite right about raising the issue of children. And about you making it totally clear that you have no intention of converting. What about his family and friends - will they accept you if you have different beliefs?

Do tread warily. There are some (not all) religious people who are very insistent that their way is the only way and are very intolerant and judgemental of other's beliefs to the contrary. Make sure that he's not one of them before you continue in the relationship.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 11:37am
I wanted to give you the link to the Interfaith board also. Many couples date and/or married someone of different religion and/or race and it works for them. Good luck and let us know what happens. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/main.asp?webtag=iv-rlinterracia&nav=start

Marie

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