Safe unaffectionate poor safe bfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Safe unaffectionate poor safe bfriend
63
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 9:37pm


My story is so long, I'll try very hard to put it in a nutshell: I am 29, attractive but with a 'little' weight problem (5'3, 155- see my other post) and have been in a relationship for 6 years (how time flies), which I am recently giving a lot of thought because I am not sure this is the man I want to marry. And the reasons why: he is 34 and works for $10 per hour, which in this area is almost like minimum wage, he has a BA but never utilized it because over the last 6 yrs he couldn't find a decent job. Bottom line: he does not have a career. Financially we get by, make ends meet and live paycheck to paycheck. In his defense I don't have a solid career going either but I work very hard for my money, often 6 days a week, whereas he works 5 days but I have no real resentment there because he works hard M-F as well. I just always imagined that I would be with someone who can support a family while I raise a child for a couple of years if we were to have one one day. In our present situation this would never be possible because without my income we couldn't pay the basic bills. I won't even mention trading our tiny condo for a house with a yard.

Sex is okay, nothing spectacular but I truly am OK with it since I am not the most sexual person.

He is a nice person with flaws, like anyone else. I wish he was more affectionate, however, more romantic, more thoughfull ... but I guess I would settle for anything at this point, as long as he would provide me with a middle class lifestyle. So I guess most things come back to the financial aspects of our relationship.

I have been thinking A LOT about leaving my bofriend in order to pursue something that would give me hope for a more succesful life, moving to a better neighborhood, being able to send our child to a private school, etc. I don't have material things in mind like cars and expensive houses, though.

Here's a problem: I'm terrified of not finding anyone who would want to marry me. I would be near 30 or 30 once I would be single again and I really wouldn't have much time to look before my biological clock will expire. I am beyond terrified when I think about dating again. I am so set in my ways, I cringle when I think about having to shave my legs everyday again, always having to look pretty with makeup and hair done.

And there the whole dating scene. Will I ever find anyone? I hate bars and clubs, what else is there left? I am too old to believe that my prince will arrive on a white horse without me even looking...

Then there's thing with my health: I have a condition which there is no cure for and it basially makes me go to the bathroom ever 2 hrs or so. I understand some men would not want to deal with someone who isn't 100% healthy and this depresses me too.

I don't know what I'm asking here. Should I look for a new man or do I have enough going to at least know that this guy can give me kids, if nothing else.

When I was 25 I used to think that I couldn't be with someone who wouldn't give our family a certain lifestyle. Now that I'm pushing on 30, I don't know what's worst: being poor or being lonely.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 10:00am

I don't care what you say about Wal-Mart...they are a major employer in this area. If it weren't for them, a lot of people would be out of work and the taxpayers would be paying for more than their health-care coverage. Who pays for yours, by the way??

YOU ARE A VERY IGNORANT WOMAN. I PAY FOR MY OWN COVERAGE (300 PER MONTH) BECAUSE I AM NOT WORKING PRESENTLY. YOU NEED TO EDUCATE YOURSELF OF HOW MUCH BAD WALMART IS DOING FOR OUR COUNTRY. THERE ARE NUMEROUS WEBSITES DEVOTED TO ANTI WALMART EDUCATION.

I BET YOU DON'T EVEN RECYCLE. SUCH UNEDUCATED COMMENTS COULD ONLY COME FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESNT GIVE A D*** ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY AND ITS FUTURE. DO YOU THINK THE INSURANCE INDUSTRY AND HEALTHCARE ARE FAIR ALSO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 1:08pm
My, my, temper, temper. The question about health care was directed at Kylie, not YOU. Why don't you ask the "ignorant" people who work for Wal-Mart here where they would be working had one not been built. Not every company in the U.S. operates with the most ethical of standards, Wal-Mart notwithstanding. If you think that, then you are the ignorant one. Nobody ever said life was fair. GROW UP. I think it's great that you can afford to pay $300 a month for health insurance without a job. No doubt countless people would like to know how you manage it. You see to think the insurance companies are unfair..that doesn't stop you from obtaining coverage though, does it? Many of the employees at Wal-Mart no doubt would rather work somewhere else. The jobs just aren't there in this area. YOU educate YOURSELF. Recycling? Please. You know nothing......
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 9:46pm

yikes im sure there are 60+ posts on here for a reason. all i can say is that this thread is rather depressing to read as a woman.

i'm 26, went to an ivy league college, put myself through law school on loans and now make a 6-figure salary in my first year out. and i work my butt off. it is such an empowering, amazing feeling to know that i don't need any man to financially support me and i'm doing more than fine on my own. no help from mommy or daddy either.

i only date men with successful careers, but not because i NEED them for their bank account. because we're on the same wave-length, a career is important to me and hell i want my guy to be pulling his weight.

plenty of people want a simplier, slower life than i do. that's totally valid. but to want some guy to support your lavish lifestyel while you sit home with the kids, give me a break. that's just lame.

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