Saving Face

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Saving Face
6
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 2:19pm

Hey everyone, I need some advice!! I met a guy on the internet back about 4 months ago. We initially started emailing frequently (at least once a day) and talking on the phone a few times a week. He lives several states away, and has come to visit me once; I just returned from visiting him. I really enjoy spending time with him, and we have been intimate. So this weekend when I visited him, he unfortuntely became very sick after we ate out at a nice restaurant, and the rest of the weekend he was basically sick, sick, sick. I was really worried about him. So in the middle of all this fever, GI upset, etc. I said the dreaded words "I love you". Ack! How could I, it totally slipped out!! He sort of paused and repeated the words back to me, but I knew it was awkward. The next day he told me he was crazy about me, and that he thought about me a lot, however he didn't feel he knew me enough to be in love with me.

So now what do I do? He's back to normal la-dee-da, but I feel like such a moron. Should I bring it up again and say that it was just a slip? I wish there was a way to tell someone that although you might not be "in love", you more than just "like" a person. Has this happened to anyone else? It probably doesn't help that I'm not that experienced in the relationship department.

Arrrrgh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
In reply to: tweety76284
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 5:33pm

It's really good that he was honest with you and told you that, even though he's crazy about you, he might not love you...yet. This is very important in a new relationship, and now you know you can reciprocate. Tell him you appreciate his honesty, and let him know that you feel like you're falling for him right now, so that's why the "three little words" slipped. Or something like that. That way he knows you return his feelings but you're not trying to rush into anything. Hopefully it will grow into love, but right now you're probably just feeling a form of lust. Trust me! I've said the dreaded I Love You too early in a relationship, regretted it, and looked back and realized I wasn't really in love but in lust. It can damage the relationship.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
In reply to: tweety76284
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 6:08pm
thanks so much for your advice. you're totally right, and i should just step back and get some perspective. i still cringe when i think about what i did, but i'm sure this will get better with time. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: tweety76284
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:42pm

I don't think you should feel so embarrassed or wrong for saying the L word.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
In reply to: tweety76284
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 2:47pm
Hi there, I just wanted to say when I read your message it really struck me, as I have a very simular situation. I met a guy on the internet and we have been talking and seeing each other for about 2 1/2 months now. We have made love to each other and spent the night with each other a few good times. However I feel that I have made the same mistake this weeekend. We spent all day together Sunday and I picked up on his vibe that there was something wrong. Well Sunday night I sent him an e-mail pouring out all of my feelings to him and how I loved him. And last night on the phone he told me that that freaked him out. He says that he has other priorities that need to come first in his life and then he will start working on his dating. I'm so confused as he says he wants to take it all slow and on step at time. I'm wondering can a relationship work if one person has a lot more feelings then the other person. Lol I hope we can help each other out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
In reply to: tweety76284
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 12:13am

Hey, thanks for your post. It's good to know I'm not the only one who sort of blurts things out prematurely! :) Well, I think you should just give it time. This is the unfortunate consequence of become intimate early in the relationship, isn't it? Plus if you are a super emotional person like me... well the words just come rolling out.

Since then I haven't brought it up again, and things have been going well, I'm trying my darndest not to bring up "serious" subjects. I'm actually going to see him again at the end of this month. My advice to you would be to not try to explain what you said to him in the email, but to simply thank him for his honesty, tell him you obviously really enjoy spending time with him and that you would love to continue to do so. Don't make excuses for what you said, because there is no point in trying to explain to a guy why your heart and head do the things they do. If the relationship is right, he won't be "scared off" forever, and he'll see how important you are to him over time.

Best of luck,
Tweety

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
In reply to: tweety76284
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 12:17am

Hi!! Your wifely comment is sooooooo true. Why are women so predictable? Anyway, I haven't brought it up again (I think that would be relationship suicide) and I have a feeling that if one of us were to say the ILY thing to each other, it would have to be him because I am certainly not putting myself in that position again!! Infatuations can do strange things to a heart! For now I'm taking it slow.

Thanks