say something or keep quiet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
say something or keep quiet
3
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 8:14am
awhile back i started dating this man, it was a great relationship, i live in a small town, he was new to the town, we met when he first moved here, dated for 2 weeks and then he stopped calling, didnt know why but i found out from a friend that these 2 really nosey girls(one works with my friend)and who obviously doesnt care for me made up a bunch of lies and he freaked out.
i bumped into him and we ended going out on saturday, decided we really wanted to be together, screw everybody its not there business. had the best time, he goes to drop me off and we stop in the local tavern to have a drink. one of the girls is there, and looks like she cant believe he walked in with me holding my hand. all of a sudden the laughter stopped and he was mad at me. just her presence seemed to tick him off. i said you are mad at me for something i had nothing to do with, he said im not mad at you im just mad at the situation, so i decided to say goodnight and left, not in a bad way, i didnt want to fight about it. just said im going home ill talk to you later. my dilema, i really like this guy and he seems to really like me and we have so much fun all we do is laugh. but im afraid he is easily persuaded by the budinskis and that i dont know if i should tell them to mind there own business which if i do, im sure it will get back to him and ill look like an ass, or if i keep my mouth shut, i dont know if well get past this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 8:44am

"im afraid he is easily persuaded by the budinskis"

This seems to be your primary concern, if it is don't worry about it. It's obviously not true or he wouldn't have gone out with you Saturday.

Take what he said at face value. He isn't upset with you he's up set with the budinskis. Which is fine and normal, he SHOULD be upset with the budinskis just as you have every right to be.

I'm assuming the two of you ahve already discussed and resolved the untrue things that were said about you. If not, I would clear the air on that you'll both feel better.

As far as saying something to the budinskis goes, well, I wouldn't. Saying something to them only gives them the satisfaction of knowing they got to you. Better to rise above and ignore them. They are obviously small petty people with small petty lives and nothing to be happy about in their own lives so they take pleasure and trying to screw with other people's hppiness.

They aren't worth the air they breath let alone one more ounce of thought or worry from either of you. I know it can't be shut off that easily, but keep trying and eventually they wont get to you any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:53am
He just doesn't know how things work in a small town. Having been born and raised in a large city (San Antonio) and then moving to a small town in Okla., I was ignorant of the ways of small town life myself. He'll get an education all too soon. He's getting one now, he just doesn't know it. You need to educate him, tell him what it's like. That if you don't give "them" something to talk about, they'll make it up. That "they" always have their noses in someone else's business, no matter what's in their own closet. The judging, the backbiting. It can be very vicious in a small town. There are pluses, also..but we're focusing on the minuses right now. I'd have a heart-to-heart with him about the way of life where you live. How the people can be. What he can expect, good and bad. Good luck. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 12:26pm

I totally agree with what Nick said.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?