Saying "I love you"
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Saying "I love you"
| Tue, 05-17-2005 - 2:35pm |
So as not to hijack the thread below, after reading that, I'm curious....
Why do so many women believe it's BEST for a man to say those three words first? What is the difference? Why can't a woman say them first? Why should we wait for him to say it first?
And I can imagine all the hurt women who have said it first, but then again, I can also think of all the hurt men who are just as gun-shy...........so, that's not a valid reason.
Just curious.

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I said it first to my fiance. I had to wait three VERY long days to hear it back, but I'm glad he didn't say it back right away, becasue when he did say it I felt I knew he meant it. Of course, I knew he loved me long before I even said.
I think the reason a lot of women don't want to say it first is because they have in the past and they discovered a lot of guys say it back right away even if they don't mean it because they don't want to "hurt your feelings". Which is a pretty crappy cowardly thing to do, but it happens and I'm probbaly guilty of it too.
It's also fear. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest the first time I said it to Pete.
I had two reasons for going ahead and saying it first: 1) I had told him I wasn't ready for a relationship and I knew he was letting me take the reigns so as not to push too hard for more then I was ready for. 2) I realized that if he didn't love me I was going to be disappointed and maybe even a little heartbroekn whether I had told him I loved him or not. Me not telling him wasn't protecting me one little bit. If anything I wasn't being true to myself and it was hurting me.
So one morning as he was kissing me goodbye to go to work I just said it. He didn't say anything he just hugged me and kissed me and said good bye. I could see it in his eyes but he wasn't ready to say it. Three days later we were talking on the phone and out of no where he says, "I love you so much."
To All: Love isn't a game don't play by "rules" just do what feels right and use your head just enough to be smart about who you fall for. Leave the rest up to your instincts and just go with the flow.
I was the first one to say "I love you" to my DH. To be honest, I didn't know that there was an unspoken rule that the man should say it first. I think that if you feel it, you should say it.
However, neither can I understand why women wait for a man to propose. In these days of educated women who have careers and life choices - why would they leave the timing of such a major decision up to their man? If a girl wants to marry and there is no proposal on the horizon, there is no reason that she can't say "hey, how about we get married?" It's her life and if she needs to know his plans so that she can make life decisons - well good on her for being forthcoming. If he takes fright at the suggestion of marriage, then it's obvious that he's just not that into her.
Aww...that's cute.
I think for the most part, women tend to wait, cuz guys are more likely to say it to agree, even if they don't feel it. Even though there are women that do it too. ANd I also think most women tend to fall before most men will.
My bf said it first, for the firs ttime in my life, I didn't respond right away. I needed to make sure I truly felt it. I think I said it a few days later.
I doubt I could say it first. Fear of him saying sorry, I don't feel the same. I'm a chicken I admit it. lol
~pineapple_girl
I have to say, I prefer for me to say "I Love You" to a guy before he does to me. My last relationship my boyfriend was bursting to tell me something for a couple of days but didn't know how to tell me...then one night he told me he loved me with tears in his eyes. The sweetest thing right? Maybe for someone who returned the love! I take those words very seriously when their is a possibility of marriage in the future. I didn't respond to him....for months..and finally, when I did respond, it wasn't because I truly loved him, I was just tired of the awkwardness and silence that would be left at the end of his "I love You" to me.....
I know that is a shame, but sometimes I wonder if guys don't throw that word around a little too much :-)
I've had the experience of "I love you" being thrown around too easily.
I had been dating my first husband for about three weeks. We had gone to a New Year's party and I was designated driver. He got drunk and said "I love you". If my memory serves me correctly, I looked at him with exasperation and said "don't be silly, you hardly know me"
"ANd I also think most women tend to fall before most men will."
I don't know about that. Every happily married couple I know the guy knew months before the woman did. It was that way with my fiance too.
I could tell he loved me at least a month before I said it. I had girlfriends telling me he loved me even before I thought he did, becasue they could "see it" when he was around me. I think men who are ready for love know a lot faster then the women they are with.
Men don't carry their past around with thm as much as we do, so they aren't afraid of love after a couple of relationships failing the way we are. I think women who are young and less experience are more likely to fall quickly becasue they aren't as jaded, but those of us that make it into our late 20s and 30s single are often quite jaded and it takes us longer to fall in love then our less jaded male counterparts, becasue well they just don't take those breakups as hard as we do.
Sure they get bummed but they don't worry that the next one is going to be like that the way we do. They're MUCH better at moving on and forward then we are.
Well at least that has been the way it seems to me.
"Men don't carry their past around with thm as much as we do, so they aren't afraid of love after a couple of relationships failing the way we are."
WHATEVER...did I get the only man on earth that really carries his past (learning to let it go much better) and is terrified of a relationship failing????
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Okay, not that you're guy is psycho, but some guys do carry it around, they just tend to be the psycho ones, at least if my experience is the norm.
You know I'm noticing, baggage = psycho. psycho = baggage. Well crap, I think I spent a signifcant portion of my dating life with guys thinking I was psycho and very possibly being right. Darn it all, sometimes hind sight bites the big one. :)
My ex husband said it first when we were dating. I didn't say it back for quite some time. I think I said Thank You when he said it to me.
I've only said it to one other man. I don't throw those words around lightly.
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