Saying "I love you"
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Saying "I love you"
| Tue, 05-17-2005 - 2:35pm |
So as not to hijack the thread below, after reading that, I'm curious....
Why do so many women believe it's BEST for a man to say those three words first? What is the difference? Why can't a woman say them first? Why should we wait for him to say it first?
And I can imagine all the hurt women who have said it first, but then again, I can also think of all the hurt men who are just as gun-shy...........so, that's not a valid reason.
Just curious.

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ROFL??? Are you kidding?? What part of the country do you live in because I'd love to move there if the men there are like that.
They may be able to DATE faster if that is what you mean by moving on and forward, but they certainly don't let go of any past hurts very easily. Men have JUST as much baggage as women and a lot of them tend to hold on to that for much too long and ruin plenty of relationships along the way because their inabililty to seek out counseling or help from anyone to get over it, they sweep it aside but it eats at them.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Maybe once you realize that you're psycho and that if you just work through that baggage instead of carrying it around with you you get less psycho. :)
That seems to be what happened with me. When I stopped carrying everything with me so mucha nd taking it sooooo personally, I slowly started acting like a sane adult person instead of like a high maintenance teenage girl. And yeah, looking back on it it's safe to say there were many times I acted like a class A twit well into my adult years when it came to my realtionships.
There's something about being "in love" that just makes you stupid some of the time.
ITA. Mostly because most men I have been with were "emotionally open" and therefore, they carried around a lot of the baggage that women "gave" to them.
My xh, emotionally scarred from his past. My xbf, is on the quest to find The One and never give up. A guy I dated, not over his xgf from high school, even though he hadn't been with her for about 10 years. Thankfully MANY men were "normal", however, I see so many men carrying the baggage of being cheated on, hurt, etc...and they use them as FULL excuses in the next r'ship.
~pineapple_girl
Everyone...
Thanks for responding. As you can see, both men and women have been fast to say it, or feel it's something you don't just throw around. I also feel that we share teh same fears, and feelings as that of the men we know, or don't know. Men feel it just as women do. And both genders can say it more than show it. And they can also show it more than saying it. And we all show it in different ways. Some men show love by buying gifts. Some show it by bringing home flowers. Some men never say it. Ditto for women.
I honestly don't feel there is any "norm" nor do I feel one way is "more healthy" than another. However, what is important, is that the person you are with, shows it and says it as much as you NEED it. And that it's all balanced.
I also don't feel women should "wait" for a man to say it, however, I also feel she shoudln't make HIM feel pressured to have to say it back.
This is a quote I have seen from another poster, "Love is a gift that is given. Love isn’t to be expected nor is it an obligation to give. Some deserve it, some don’t. You have to choose who is worthy and who isn’t."
So basically, if you FEEL you are in love, share it, but never expect it to be returned. It's something you give freely, not something you feel is an obligation, nor should you ever expect the same back. In order to love, you must risk. I honestly feel the man shouldnt' have to take and MAKE all the risks.
~pineapple_girl
"In order to love, you must risk."
This is sooooo true. In my mind, if you feel you are risking nothing for love you aren't in love. Loving ANYONE is a huge risk, you give that person the ability to hurt you and betray you in ways other people can't. That doesn't mena you cna't make love a calculated risk, but in the end your stiLL taking a BIG chance.
Love is not for the faint of heart or uncourageous.
"I honestly feel the man shouldnt' have to take and MAKE all the risks."
Totally agree, it isn't fair to let one person take the big chances while the other sits back and watches from a safe distance. Besides in the end you still have to put it all on the line anyway.
It's like I said not saying you love the person doesn't make you love them any less or make it break your heart any less if it doesn't work out. The only thing you save is a little pride because maybe the other person doesn't know how crushed you really are.
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