Saying "I love you"...
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| Fri, 12-30-2005 - 2:59pm |
I would welcome any comments on this one...I'm at a loss here...
I've been dating a wonderful guy for 6 months now. He's the exact polar opposite of the guys I generally go for, which is usually the wrong kind. I've even married a couple of them. He's not the "bad boy", flashy or egotistical jerk I'm usually a magnet too. He got me some very nice gifts for xmas and even surprised me with some beautful earrings ( I totally thought he wasn't a jewelry kinda guy) and like I've said, he's great. He's a genuinely good, kind and considerate man. I guess timing is everything because had a met him a year ago...there wouldn't have been a second date (we met online by the way).
The only (potential) negative is he's 44 yrs old and never been married. And, from all indications, he has no intention of ever getting married. I think any guy in his 40's that's never been down the aisle, probably ain't goin any time soon! Anyway, I've been divorced for 3 yrs now and am less sure about getting married again than I was 3 yrs ago. I enjoy the time alone and being able to do what I want to, when I want to. There's lots of good things about single life, but certainly have not ruled out the possibility of marrying again. I do like having a boyfriend, one special guy. He has had a few long term relationships (3-4 yrs) and seems to have no problem with committment (dating exclusively) In fact, he took his profile off match way before I did and was very decisive when he said he didn't want see anyone else. I know that if marriage is something I ABSOLUTLEY want again, I am most likely barking up the wrong tree. I realize that. But, since I'm not sure I want to do it again (i've swung and missed twice already;)), I'd like to see where this goes and cross that particular bridge if and when I come to it.
Typically, I'M the one who gives their heart away too quickly and without too much though about the potential pitfalls. But, I've tried to handle this relationship differently and haven't said anything about how I feel, which, by the way, is fine for him. He has a lot of difficulty talking about his "feelings" and would rather have his teeth drilled than discuss anything like that I think. I haven't pressed the issue, but am now getting to the point where I really feel like I want to tell him I love him, but am afraid of how he'll react...or worse, not react. By all indications, he cares a lot for me and everyone who has met him and been in our company says it's easy to see he's crazy about me. But, I want to know how HE feels. I think after 6 months and being in our 40's, that's something I deserve to know. I feel like we can talk about anything but this. I've had women tell me NOT to tell him because he'll run for the hills (and if this is really the case, what have we got anyway) or it will just freak him out. Also, I THINK that he thinks that if he tells me he loves me that I'll assume it's a committement for life or something...I don't know. In my 44 yrs I've found it's very difficult and often stupid to try and read minds. It's rarely works! What I DON'T want to have happen is to say it to him and just have it lie there...that would be the worst. Does it put him in a position where he HAS to say it or NOT and then where are we. I guess I should be prepared to accept whatever it is ...or isn't before I lay it out there on the line, huh?
So, ladies....and gentlemen, whaddya think?
Thanks
Kelly

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If that doesn't screw you up, I don't know what will! When he told me, I said "well, there you go!"...he goes, "really, do you think that has something to do with it?"...uh...yeah! Imagine the turmoil inside that house as he was growing up with all that mess going on. Then, of course, there was the unplanned pregnancy with his son's mother...a woman he met one drunken night in a bar when he was 26. He loves his son to death, but can't stand her. And, you're also right on when you say some guys hate to talk about this stuff. He definitely falls into that camp. I think we need to do it soon though. The last time was about 2 months ago or so and I got very little out of him and he was obviously uncomfortable, so I just let it go. But, now it's getting to the point where it's hard NOT to say something.
Thanks for commenting...it sounds like you've been down this road, too.
Kelly
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