Saying the "L" word

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Saying the "L" word
6
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 4:23pm
Last nite my boyfriend and i were in bed and i decided to tell him that I loved him. We've been dating for nearly a year so i figured I could do it just fine. Well when tell him i need to say something, he turns around and looks at me and i say it. But instead of I Love you too back, i get a "I kinda figured" back. I was deeply upset. I brushed it off until morning and i tried to get him to talk about it. He really didn't have much to say until we got into the car to take me home. It was a 30 min drive so we got to talk a little- when I wasn't trying to cry-. I know that he cares about me. He shows me he cares, he takes me out, he holds my hand, he's my emotional support, he is just an all around great guy. But it bothers me that he doesn't know if he loves me or not. He says its because of all the changes that are about to happen...me going to college. To me that is a lame excuse, I love him, and i want to be with him, nothing is ever going to stop that. I wish he just understood. Any advice w/coping or what I should do?
Thanx
stacie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 12:15pm
Your BF likes you and cares about you, but he's not prepared to say "I love you back". By your message, it seems that he won't say it at all...his response was rude in my view. He may be thinking in that if you go away he/you could date other people OR that it'll be hard to be apart and be in a relationship. I'd talk to him openly about it because after been dating for a year it's only fair to know where you're headed. Is this going toward a long distance relationship, a long term relationship with no future in view, marriage, etc?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 8:39pm
If he treats you as he loves you then he does.. Why are the words so important. People say and do not act that way. An abuser will beat the other and once they calm down says I Love You, is it love? I say not. Take his actions more then the words. I had an ex tell me that he loved me, though I have loving feelings for him all I said back was thanks. I deep down wanted to say it back and hug and hold him because I am yet over him but what would that prove. Who I am and how I treat him shows it. Even when we are thousands of miles away.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 1:12am
OMG! thank you so much for giving me something so positive to look at. I know he cares about me- he shows me everyday. He would do anything for me, and although i would like to hear the words, i guess they are not as important as his actions. Honestly- if he didn't care about me- we wouldn't still be together. THANK YOU!!!
Stacie
Avatar for susananne12874
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 4:55pm

I agree... It's more in how he acts than what he says. Does he tell you in other ways? Complimenting you and making you feel good? I say that means love. You mention that you're going off to college, so I assume that you're about 17 or 18? He could feel that you two are too young to really know what True Love is. Either way, actions do, in fact, speak louder than words.

~Susan/30/MA

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 10:22pm
Yes he does treat me like he cares and he does respect me. He has introduced me to the whole family, his friends and we go out together. What's really getting me is that i need to know how he feels because i am going to school in a month- exactly from today. And if he honestly doesn't know, what am i to do? Any advice on how to approach the topic?
thanx-
stacie
Avatar for susananne12874
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 9:51am

Stacie,

I particularly like these two iVillage articles...

"Take Your Love To The Next Level"
(especially page 4, 'Exchanging the L Word')
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,12747,426370_420931,00.html

"Translating Man-Speak: What Is He Really Trying To Tell You"
(especially the 3rd section, 'What He Says When He's Serious')
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsunderstandmen/whathethinks/0,,npps,00.html

I've found so many good articles on here that have really helped answer my questions. Who knows? They may help you too, so browse around - especially in the Love & Sex/Understanding Men section.

Good luck! I hope you are able to get the answers that you're looking for.

~Susan/30/MA