Says he'll never get married...now what?
Find a Conversation
Says he'll never get married...now what?
| Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:42pm |
I've been reading some posts and many seem to be in the general category of commitment and marriage...or not. I am in love with a guy (been dating for 7 months now) who is 44 and never been married. I've been twice. He's very clear about not wanting to get married and i think it has to do with his past, growing up and a series of events to lead him to this. He has been in several committed relationships lasting 3 yrs or more, but they all ended...my guess is because the women wanted to get married. He says they got "tired of him"...yeah, the got tired of him not wanting to get married!! Anyway, I'm also 44 and see the future looming very, very close. If I were 24 say, this would be no big deal. But, I'm not. I don't know if marriage is necessarily what I want, but he has even hemmed and hawd(sp?) about that. He likes having a girlfriend and is happy with our relationship the way it is now. Only problem is we do live on the other side of town from each other and don't see one another as often as we'd both like, but we work it out. Also, I have a 13yr old and he has a 16 yr old (from a past relationship, she said she was on birth control pills, so we have to work around them as well.
My question is...am I totally wasting my time here? Should I break up with, possibly, the best man I've ever dated and/or married! Seriously, he far surpasses both husbands and everyone I've dated since my divorce (3 yrs ago) in every way. I would like to know that there is at least the POSSIBILITY of a future together. If there isn't and we'd be dating forever...or I get "tired" of him like all those other women, should I just forget it now? I don't want to try and kid myself that he'll change his mind at some point, or I'll be the one to make the difference...I know the chances of that are slim at best. Do I just relax and see what develops?
Any suggestions/advice?
Thanks,
Kelly
My question is...am I totally wasting my time here? Should I break up with, possibly, the best man I've ever dated and/or married! Seriously, he far surpasses both husbands and everyone I've dated since my divorce (3 yrs ago) in every way. I would like to know that there is at least the POSSIBILITY of a future together. If there isn't and we'd be dating forever...or I get "tired" of him like all those other women, should I just forget it now? I don't want to try and kid myself that he'll change his mind at some point, or I'll be the one to make the difference...I know the chances of that are slim at best. Do I just relax and see what develops?
Any suggestions/advice?
Thanks,
Kelly

Pages
Just a note: Marriage is not "security". It can end at any time. The little piece of paper and the ceremony does not guarantee you a partner for life, or next month, or next year.
I'm 44 and right now I cant see any reason to EVER marry again. Make your own security and your own future then if you want to SHARE that with someone else great. But never look at marriage as your security.
Gingermom,
I couldnt agree with you more. There is no security in marriage. At one time I truly believed that myself. I was married for 21 years, had 4 children ages, 21, 17, 12 & 9.
My stbx decided he was bored of his life and went off to have an affair. After it ended he tried to come home, but at that point the damage was done. He wouldnt go to counseling with me so he got no other chance to work it out. In 2 months we will be divorced!
I too cant see any reason to ever have to be married again. I can gain the same love, respect, companionship, and security in a relationship without the liscense.
Pages