Schedule Conflicts...can this work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Schedule Conflicts...can this work?
5
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 12:19pm

Hello everyone! Here's my deal... I met a great guy a couple weeks ago. We've hung out twice and I enjoyed every minute of it. The thing is is that he works nights and I work the normal 9-5 routine. The weekends are really the only time we can feasibly try to see each other. I'm being patient, but at the same time I really want to get to know him and see if I truly do have feelings for him and vice versa. We have called each other almost every day, but our schedules make things so difficult that our plans don't work out.

Do you think this could work? I don't want to be a negative nancy, but I'm starting to think this might not work out. There are many people with jobs like his and I imagine they have successful relationships so there has to be something. Has anyone ever been in the same situation? Any ideas? Thanks in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 12:55pm
Hi and welcome to the board… I think it can work if you are ok only being with him on weekends and sometimes not every weekend. For me I do not care to spend much time with my mate and love having lots of time by myself. But, for someone who likes going out and hanging with their mate more then once or twice a week this is not a good one. I’ve enjoyed with mine to send emails and get to know them that way and hanging out when we can to talk further. We have also spent more then just that but that is only after time. We will do extended weekends and early vacations but it was all on how much we both wanted to put into it. Focus on how you want you relationship and realistically look at this one and decide if this is something you can deal with full time. Because not much will change from what is happening now.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 1:56pm

It really depends on him and his lifestyle. I had a similiar situation with my ex. But here's the kicker, if he really wants to make time to see you and be with you, he will. Granted he can't see you because your work schedules are different, but is it possible to have lunch together during the week?

My ex was in a situation where he was trying to get his "career" going, thus he changed his schedule at his regular job just so he would be working a lot during the week. I barely saw him anymore. That was a small part of the reason why we broke up. Frankly it got worse between us since he wasn't making the time...basically he didn't have the time, and wasn't paying the attention I needed, that he wanted to spend with me, but found it really hard to.

Sometimes some peoples careers, and getting the time to get their "stuff together" can ruin a RL. But if you both truely want to make it work, then have a talk with him. If you find that he's making excuses, or that he's busy, wants to "play" with his friends, or that he just can't do stuff with you, then you need to make the decision on that. Understand that a RL is a 50/50 deal, and if it becomes 75/25 then you may be the one that suffers later on. If he isn't willing to put the time in to make it work, it's time for you to cut your losses and move on with your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:30pm

Work schedules are something in which neither one of you have direct control. It will require both of you to compromise and share your schedules to try and find time to spend together. If the expectation becomes that he is expected to do all the changing or all the compromise (or vice versa) then you will have struggles.

I would suggest that next time you are together, take an honest look at both of your schedules with the goal of finding time that you both can manage to reserve for each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 8:03pm
Hi :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:23am

Thank you guys! I really needed to hear some positive opinions on the situation. I don't want to pass up on getting to know him merely because our schedules are not the same.

My roommate is being doubtful and thinks this means he's not into me because we had a hard time meeting up last week (I just met him a little over 2 weeks ago), but we've managed to work out seeing each other on Tuesday and twice yesterday. I am definitely happy with that - I do enjoy having time to do my own thing.

So I'm definitely willing to compromise and hope things continue to work out. I just hope my roommate isn't right! Thank you all again...