sending mixed signals....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
sending mixed signals....
4
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:38am
hi everyone. ok... there's this guy that i'm crazy about. and i'm not so sure how he feels about me... we'll just say he's sending a lot of mixed signals. we had a thing before, probably about three years ago, but he broke it off. he told me that i would always be special to him, and that he would always love me. well, i have completly fell for him again. i mean he's a great guy. well we've been hanging out some latelty, not alone, but with mutual friends, and sometimes he acts like he's interested and sometimes he doesn't. he just does a lot of little things that makes me think he might still like me. well, my friend, his roommate, talked to him for me, and he says that he thinks i'm great, but he's still thinking a lot about one of his ex's, and that he doesn't wanna force anything between us. what in the world??? so.. what do you all think i should do?? all help is greatly appreciated...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 11:52am

ky_country_gal...

Why not begin by "reigniting the friendship" without any expectations for a relationship?

Once you've been together (in a group or single situation) for awhile...his confidence level might improve enough to take a step or to forward?

Pianoguy (who is listening to a vocal rendition of the Gershwin song: "Someone To Watch Over Me" as he is writing this. Damn those tears!!!).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 10:23pm

Sweet Fellow Southern Gal-

Finding Mr. Right is like a road trip- there are signs to guide our way, unfortunately we ignore them most of the time...

Sign #1: He broke up with you. While it may be years later- the fact remains. HE broke up with YOU. For whatever reason, he looked at the fabulous you, and remembered the fabulous memories you made- and decided you weren't the one. What a fool! Don't waste your time oogling over this moron- get out there on the road and head towards Mr. Right.

Sign #2: Time Spent Together With Friends Not Alone. If he realized the massive mistake he made, he would be making it up to you with all the one-on-one time you could stand! He would be BEGGING (as he should) for your forgiveness for the stupid mistake he made. Anything less than that- and it's "au revior"!

Sign #3: "Sometimes he acts like he's not"

If he EVER acts like he's not interested- he ain't the guy. Ditch him! Your Mr. Right will be more than interested. He will be showering you with attention and affection, as he should- you're fabulous!

Sign #4: His friends say he's not over his ex

Chances are- you aren't the ex. If this is the case- you need to sprint (not walk) out of the situation ASAP! He's thinking about SOMEONE ELSE! Don't sit on the side of the road waiting for this fool to make up his mind- make up your mind first. Get back on the road and find Mr. Right and leave this loser longing for the other girl.

Good Luck! Remember you are FABULOUS and deserve only the best.

Hugs and Kisses!

Savannah
www.ontheroadtomrright.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 7:56pm
I just wanted to say I really enjoy your advice. I think it should seem so obvious to us with what you are saying but sometimes we refuse to face the cold hard facts of the guy we are with giving us mixed signals and us thinking that there may be something more than that. Sometimes i do believe that guys have a harder time than we do showing caring and affection and that they are into us but I guess if that's the case then maybe it's not them having a hard time showing it, but maybe they are just having their doubts some. I guess we all have our doubts from time to time even with the right person for us and sometimes one person is pulling away while the other is chasing and in healthy r'ships there is a back and forth of one being the pursuer and the other one being the pursued. I've been told this by people in healthy long term relationships and marriages. Not that I've experienced one of those yet ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 11:16pm

BioChic-

Glad to hear you liked the advice! I agree- people are uncertain (even in healthy relationships) from time to time.

Unfortunately, the majority of the time, we single girls use this as an excuse to allow ourselves to justify staying in a clearly bad situation.

As far as KY Gal's situation- well, his intentions were pretty obvious.

But, let's say your man calls frequently, but for one week he backs off or questions the relationship, that's ok. In that circumstance, you should read the sign...proceed with caution. That means, don't stop living your life, don't talk your poor girlfriends' ears off analyzing the situation. Be practical, take care of yourself, and see what happens. Don't put your life on hold waiting for this man to work his issues out. If a couple of weeks pass and he hasn't called (unless he's in a war zone, deathly ill, in a jungle or Antarctica) he has the ability to contact you. Chances are, he's not your Mr. Right, so you should just move on.

It never ceases to amaze me how much time I (and every other single girl) have wasted on men who are clearly NOT Mr. Right. That time could have been better spent taking care of myself and pursuing my dreams, and therefore, preparing myself to meet the REAL Mr. Right. Enjoy the Road Trip- It's One Heck of a Ride!

Savannah