Shes got me confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
Shes got me confused
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 4:09pm

Alright Ill try and make this as short as possible

Ok so my best female friend who lives 8 hours away and I went last weekend. Weve expressed we have feelings for each other while i was over there and we were both intoxicated. When i get back i tell her through text and phone that i meant it. I did drop a bomb letting her know all these feelings out of no where. But she says she HAS feelings to but is confused (says it was to much to take in at once). She says she feels comfortable and safe like nothing can happen when shes with me not sure if she doesnt think my feelings are real since we did all this over the phone, (which we agreed we had to do in person to get the full effect of the words we told each other.

Ok so she says shes confused, i would take this as a way of letting me down gently and beating around the bush. But why would she add that she has feelings for me and that the weekend was the best one shes ever had and doesnt regret it (ended up doing things that just friends dont do). And i asked if she was talkin to anyone and she said she wasnt (i would of guessed shed say yes just to give me a hint shes not interested like that)

I do believe she is confused, she is emotionally drained (could hear it in her voice when we talk) just about everything shes homesick, school, lonely, etc. Ive had feelings for her which I would brush off as I didnt know what they meant (which she says shes done the same) but i think i can no longer fight them which is why I think I should give her time. And I think she must of got the idea (which is my fault for not expressing that) that I want to make her my girlfriend right now right now, which is not so I would want to wait for her to finish school (which is a couple months) just so we can start with a foundation for that kind of relationship. And she had told me this is definitely not a no but I just need time which i understand.

What do you guys think

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 6:49pm

I think she means what she says - She needs time.

In your own words you DID drop a bomb on her, she needs time to process it. Maybe this is the first time she's been confronted with the possibility of seeing you as a boyfriend rather than just a friend. Sometimes that takes a bit of time to feel comfortable with. And of course, even if she doesn't date you, your friendship is now changed quite a bit.

There isn't anything you can do but let her process. If you try too hard to coerce her she will probably get turned off. I hope she comes back and is willing to try dating, you sound like a good guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 7:06am

I guess what has happened here is that you both developed feelings while being friends and it came out in the least expected way.Its more of being unable to take the declaration than being confused,IMO.Its like she had feelings but didnt say to you for fear of ruining friendship if you didnt feel the same and vice-versa.So once its all out in the open,she is taken aback.

She isnt letting you down etc,IMO.

Your declaration seems to be stemming from the fact that you have been trying to fight the feelings for her but do remember that she wasnt prepared for it.

So yeah, your feelings are reciprocated but what she does with hers is to be seen!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 2:10pm

Thanks for your response.

Yea I do realize it was alot at once. Just had to let her know that what had happened wasnt just out of nowhere. And I will give her as much time as she needs thats not a problem. I know whatever happens im always gonna have her back and am optimistic that not much will change between us. we have that type of relationship