Should the girl ever ask out the guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Should the girl ever ask out the guy?
36
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 3:57pm

Ok ladies, here's a question for ya. I just read some lame MSN.com relationship advice article about how it's a great idea to ask out the guy if he isn't making the first move. Personally, I think it's a bad idea 99% of the time. There are some special situations where the guy is perhaps too shy, introverted, and maybe even nervous around you (probably inexperienced) where you could consider making the first move by asking him out. But again, I stress, those are special, specific, and rare circumstances. Almost everytime I think it's a bad idea for the girl to ask out the guy. I'm not closed minded or old fashioned, as you will find out as you read below. I just don't think it usually works out well, and it makes the woman look a little needy I think, even if she's not.

Let me give you some background first, I am not some dating guru here, I get shut down from time to time like any other guy. I'm not a player either. (I'm 27, single, and really looking forward to marriage... to the right woman. I do have some relatively high expectations, but I think they are realistic. There's nothing wrong with having high standards, and I refuse to settle.) Basically, I'm a typical good guy with plenty to offer the right woman; so I'm no geek, but no serial dater/flirt either. Meaning I get my fair share of interested women, but not any woman I want either.

So maybe this doesn't apply to guys like me. Maybe that's why I don't like this idea. If I were more quiet/shy/intimidated by asking a girl out, maybe her asking me out would be very welcomed relief. But if a guy like me was asked out by a girl, chances are I'm probably not interested. The only time this would work for me is if I hadn't had the chance to ask her out yet myself. See, within my social circles I meet different girls from time to time, but mostly I already know them. (work, church, mutual friends etc.) If I was interested, I got their number and asked them out fairly soon after meeting them (a week or two). If I wasn't interested I would still be friendly and kind (not flirting) but I would not ask them out of course. (What's a guy to do, not be friendly to a woman just because he doesn't see a future with her?)

But then there's always that girl or two that have a little crush on me, and they read into something I did or said one time, as if I was interested, and they try to ask me out. If I wasn't interested enough when I first got to know you, why would that change? If something somehow did change do you think I'm that big of a wimp or not gentleman enough to not ask you out? How hard is it for me to just ask for your number? If you say no, no big deal. One date is just one date. But now if the girl asks me out, now I feel bad for saying no.

Here's why: For whatever reason, traditions, by habit, nature etc... It still is not common practice in our society (for most people), to have the girl ask out the guy the first time. Let's be honest, it just isn't very common... yet. Therefore if a girl goes out of her way to muster up the courage to ask me out, she probably really likes me. (Unless she's made a habit of asking guys out - definately not a good thing IMHO)

So it's twice the rejection than if the guy asked the girl out, because it's obvious to both the guy and the girl that she decided to take the initiative, rather than wait for him to ask her out like normal, which probably means she likes him a little extra. Therefore the risk and possible rejection is greater for her. However, it's less risk when I guy asks the girl out, because it's unsure of how much he likes her. Guys ask out girls all the time, some they like more than others. Maybe he likes her a lot, maybe he likes her a little. Either way if the girl says no, then he can act like he wasn't that heartbroken about it cause he didn't have his heart into it much. But again, if the girl goes out of the way to do it, then it's usually someone special in her mind. Plus girls are more sensitive and emotional (in general, don't hate me for saying that!), so they are risking more, therefore going to hurt more if the guy says no. Plus, I have 3 sisters who I love dearly, and I couldn't imagine making them sad like that, so I have a hard time saying no when I'm asked out by women.

So I wish I could tell those women, "Please don't ask me out! If I like you I will ask you, if I don't, sorry I'm just not into you. It doesn't make you a bad person, I just don't see something happening between you and me. So please lets be friends and leave it at that!"

Am I being too harsh here? Do you think me too narrow minded? Am I too old fashioned? Think what you want, but I don't think I feel this way for any of those reasons. I just don't think it's usually a good idea for the girl to ask out the guy the first few times. Make sure there's mutual interest, (ie; you've gone on about 3 dates) then you can ask him out. Now this doesn't mean you can't invite a guy to a party or something like that, just not on a date. Sorry, ladies please just leave the poor guy alone if he doesn't ask you first. He probably sees you as just a friend and nothing more. Hopefully you don't let him turn a friendship with no possible relstionship potential, into just FWB (unless that's what you are looking for). Because I think that someone usually ends up getting their feelings hurt, because someone thought it could develop into something more. This might sound harsh, but ladies, lets not be so desperate. Let's have some kind of standards.

So please ladies, if you have a hard time getting guys, don't start asking them out. They just aren't interested. That doesn't make you a bad person, it just means there a thing or two you could change about yourself to make yourself more appealing and attractive to that guy (or guys in general), that you may have not noticed before. So either move on and find another guy, or ask yourself a few questions (this goes for guys too). Do you have an abrasive personality? Do you appear to have little motivation or ambition? Are you overweight? (Sorry again it sounds harsh, but this is a popular one, it had to be said!) Or it could be something smaller, maybe you pick your nose, wear too much makeup/dress slutty (both big turn offs!), or have bad teeth. Sorry, but I know a girl right now that I would love to date if she got her teeth fixed and lost 20-30 lbs. Her teeth are really really bad. But she's a sweet heart, and has a wonderful personality, but we've been just friends for 2 years. I would never flirt with her, or give her the impression that I'm interested in more then friends, however if she made a change or two I probably would be interested.

Now I know I'm being labeled as shallow and a jerk right now, but I have to be attracted to my future g/f and wife, and right now this woman is just not attractive. I am sorry that again sounds harsh, but I'm just being honest. I can't tell you how many women I know that have a great personality, but have one or two things they need to work on before I could seriously consider dating them. Unfortunately it's usually something physical. BTW, looks aren't everything, and no it's not even the most important thing in a relationship. However, I do look at it as a prerequisite. Meaning, once I am attracted to a woman, it suddenly takes a back seat in importance to everything else, but until I am attracted to her, how can I want to kiss her let alone be intimate? I am sorry, but it's a fact of life. There are literally thousands of women out there that would find instant boyfriends (and men who would find girlfriends) if they'd just work on one or two things, usually their looks. I know men are the same way, either too lazy and fat, or else too shallow and mean. What can you do?

Which raises another question: How hard is it to stay at least somewhat in shape? All it would take for people (guys and girls) would be 30 minutes every other day, and then laying off the big fatty diet! Yes some people have low metabolism/some disease which prevents them from losing weight, but I bet that's a lot less frequent than people claim. Those people with physical ailments obviously this doesn't apply. But to the rest of our over-weight and out of shape country (we are one of the fattest countries in the world if not the fattest), is it really that hard to work out every other day for 30 minutes, and resist that chocolate cake? I am not blessed with a natural buff and fit physique, so I go to the gym 3 to 5 times a week, and I still have a ways to go. I'm not saying we all have to look like models, but how about getting in shape?

Ok, I've ranted long enough. Maybe I should have divided this into 2 different topics? I know I've probably just upset a lot of women, but I think it all had to be said. Hey, I'm willing to hear your comments. Plus I know that us guys have a lot to work on too. Heck most of what I said applies to guys too. I'm not saying that my opinion is 100% right, just that it seems to be mostly true. Let me know if I'm wrong or heck one or two people might even agree with me. Sorry if I've offended or made enemies, I didn't mean to.

-MFG

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 5:49pm

I agree with the first part...a guy who is interested in you, emotionally healthy and available WILL ask you out.

As for the 2nd part...talk to me when you're 46 about how easy it is to stay in shape ;-). It was easy in my 20s and 30s...not so much now.

Sheri

Avatar for swan577
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 6:02pm

Hi MFG,

I'd say that you are definitely going to make some enemies with some of the things that you said but I'm not offended by what you said so no new enemies here.(smile) I agree that women should not ask men out for the very reason that you stated...if a man is truly into a woman, he is going to ask her out and if he doesn't ask her out, it's likely that he isn't interested. That's one thing that I have learned about men...I'm an attractive, 28 year old female by the way. It's fine by me that most men prefer to do the asking anyway b/c if it were up to me to ask a man out on a date, I'd always be dateless...I'm rather shy when it comes to that type of thing and I don't really care to be rejected (men seem to be able to handle rejection better than women) so it takes the pressure off of me if I don't have to do the asking.

I hear where you are coming from regarding the appearance of a woman. Men are very visual so I can certainly see why looks are important...there's nothing wrong with that. However, I think that you are coming off shallow without meaning to. Objectively reading your post, you seem to be encouraging women that already have low self-esteem about their appearance that they have to change in order to get a man. I know that you don't mean it like that, but I think a lot of women are going to read it that way.

Please understand, there are so many women in this world that have such low self-esteem and many of them don't even realize it. Check out the "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" message board. On that board, you'll see that many of the women have low self-worth or that wouldn't be dealing with the crap that these men are putting them through. I've been in that position before where I have accepted crap from guys b/c I felt that I had to but since then I have grown and I love myself too much to put myself through so much agony. I just refuse to deal with fooloishness. (Okay, sorry for the tangent)

You know, you mention that there is a friend of yours that you would date if she fixed her teeth and lost 20-30lbs. I understand that her appearance is a deal breaker and that's fine b/c you should never settle. However, it comes off as she has to fix herself up just to date you. I'm sure there is somebody out there that will date her despite the things that you don't like about her. It just comes off a little harsh when you state that she needs to change some things in order to date YOU...it comes off like you are this perfect person that has no flaws. I'm not saying that's what I believe about you, I'm just saying that's how it reads.

There are a couple of guys at my church that are nice guys but they have a crooked eye. I'm not attracted to them and wouldn't be even if their crooked eye were straight but I would never say that if they got their eye fixed that I would date them. I'm sure there is someone out there for both of them that will look past that. There just isn't a connection for me...if there were, then I'd probably be able to look past the eye thing. Besides, it's not something that they can control.

I think you posed the question, "Why do women ask men out?" Well, in this liberated world that we live in, society says that women should go after what they want and if they want to ask a guy out, then they should go for it. But I don't subscribe to that school of thought. I say, let the men do all the work when it comes to asking women out. (smile)

Alright, I think I've said all I've had to say. But I think you need to check yourself b/c you seem to come off a little self-righteous. I don't think that you are a self-righteous person but your post sort of reads that way. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Take care and it was nice reading your post.

-Swan

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 6:03pm

I would ask a guy out. The way I figure it, I'm naturally forward. And I seek what I want. If a guy is intimidated by my personality, then he's not the man for me. If the only way I can catch a man is to hide my true personality - then the relationship is based on a lie.

Regarding weight. I'm 37 and it's getting harder to keep the weight in check. But I'm determined. And I'm also vain. There are so many good reasons to stay in shape that I would not consider being any other way.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 6:51pm

Hi MFG,

I totally respect what you have to say. And since you're the expert here it goes. No, I have not asked this guy out, but I am interested. We work together, and he's always telling me that I am very attractive. We've been out before together. A couple of times, just spur of the moment, let's go out for dinner after work, or maybe we've met up on the weekend after church. Ok, and we've also been out together for work reasons, not actually discussing work things. When we are alone, he asks me alot of personal questions. I can chalk it up to him being nosy, but he flirts, he asks personal questions. He ask about my family. He asks me about my life. He tells me that I am very attractive, and if he is intimidated by girls that look like me (cop out). Anyway, I can't figure it out. I've liked him for so long, and when we are together I totally enjoy his company. No, I am not pining over him, I am way over that. I just have feelings for him,and they're not going away. I go to work and I am professional, friendly, but I am very shy. He asks me how I got to be so shy,and I've told him, life has caused me to be shy. (Between you & I, my ex-husband cheated on me and I've just become introverted, and keep to myself, I am also very private). This guy wants to know about me. We don't talk all of the time, but every couple of weeks, when he's not so busy (he is the president of the company). Yes, I know about the dating a co-worker. I can live with all of this, but I feel as though he is still flirting, and questioning, and very jealous of other people at my job talking to me. My co-workers have mentioned that he's a little protective of me. I never comment, but just observe. He also has told me numerous times that he likes me being around, finds me interesting. He told me that if he met a girl online, (not knowing what she looked like),and someone that looked like me showed up, he'd be relieved. Hardly a conversation that I would think that I would have with someone not interested. I am not a child, so, I will know if someone is flirting. I am not stupid (at least I don't think so),so, I feel that I am not a victim here, or that he is toying with me, as nothing has happened. I enjoy his company when we go out, but I don't call him at all, or pursue him otherwise. I never tell my co-workers that we go out. But, I do think, he may have mentioned certain things to them. Like recently, one of my co-workers asked me if I'd gone out on a date that past weekend, a little suspicious to me. Little things he said, (I had gone out with this guy that Friday and we drove around, he took me around his house, but didn't go there or anything). So, i was like why would my boss mention to the guys that we'd been out. I just didn't like it, I am too private, and at my age (early 30s) I just don't want to be the subject of office gossip. Quite a few guys at my office, find me attractive, but they are married. It's fine.
So MFG, I just want to know what your take on this is. You raised some good points, and although some of the things you said were a little shallow (about changing your looks), you're entitled to your opinion. Just between us, when I first met this guy I like, I found him totally repulsive, I wouldn't get near him at all. He offered to meet me outside of work,and little things, I would always say no. I was married then of course, but still, he gave me the creeps. But see over time (we've known each other for 2 years), I fell for him as person, and now everything that I originally found unattractive, just went away. I can't see it. I just enjoy & like him! So, maybe you need to get to know that girl with the bad teeth & few extra pounds, you might just fall for her.
Thanks ahead of time for your advice.

Mysterious32

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 7:02pm

I hate to say it but you are so right.

I used to get mad at my boyfriend when he would say the same things about my girlfriends whenever I told him I felt bad for them being alone.

AND - I know that if I hadn't been a size 4 and in great shape physically and emotoinally when I met my boyfriend no way would he have been attracted to me or asked me out on two dates (just to ensure he was booking up most of my week) when I first met him.

Now I am NOT a size 4 by any means at the moment - we let ourselves go with - the dinners, moving etccc... but I want more than anything to get back on track no excuses 0 because he loves me and thinks I am beautiful, but I want to feel good about myself again.

Yes it is hard to stay in shape in you mid 30's you have no metabolism anymore I could not eat for weeks and eat one thing and gain ten pounds.

Woman are just as shallow as men when it comes to looks - I am not attracted to overweight men - I think that they are unhealthy, smelly from sweating and all the food they eat is just rotting in their bodies...I cannot even watch an overweight man eat, then again I don't like really skinny guys or ones who spend every waking moment in the gym.

AND any woman who thinks that I am being horrible for saying this well think about the last comment you made about a guy when someone tried to set you up with them.

About the asking out a guy - yes to maybe a shy one - but not on a date. No to the guy you have known forever....because it is sad but true if a guy likes you he will absolutely will ask you out, and don't think his looks or joblessness are going to stop him. So if he hasn't done so yet stop fantasizing about the guy who hasn't noticed you. He has noticed you but has kept on looking elsewhere. Woman do the same thing. i had a friend ask me out - it was horrible I had to come up with all sorts of reasons why couldn't date... I couldn't tell him that the thought of it made me laugh and the thought of him kissing me would be like my brother kissing me - yuck.

So if you want the men - get out of the haggen daaz and stop having the girls dinners where you pile on the food and get desert - instead take a walk together and go to the gym - get your bodies in prime shape for yourself and some future romance... It will give you something to do while you are board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:37pm

Thanks for all your responses! I feel some clarification is in order though...

Sorry I came off shallow. However, I am a visual person, and I'm attracted to good looks. However, I'm also attracted to people who are honest/loyal, smart, have integrity, full of love, giving, unselfish, funny, and most of all genuine. I hate fake shallow people. I know how that sounds to all of you, but I'm not shallow. I care about my wife/gf's health and physical appearance as well as my own. I don't think that's a bad thing. I think physical attraction was instilled into all of us at birth. I don't think I should feel ashamed to say that I want to find a woman I find attractive.

I'm sorry that society puts undue pressures on women (many with already low self esteem) to be as skinny as possible. (Believe me I have sisters, we talk about it a lot.) I don't want women to be shallow! I promise I'm not shallow. I think so many women out there are already beautiful, but there are many that could work on their appearance too. I'm going to stand by that. Men need to work on their appearance as well. Now, I know that when my wife and I are 46 (as Sheri mentioned) neither of us will look that great probably, since old age and having children wear on you, especially when you are the wonderful women that bear each child for 9 months. My mom had 7 kids, you think she looks the same as the day she married my dad? Of course not. I don't expect it. But she goes on walks and bike rides, and cross country skis in the winter. She looks great for 60. I don't think that's a crazy thing to ask of people. Some may say that they can't find the time. The fact is, if you found the time to even read this post, you have time to spend some time excersizing and eating a little better. That's a fact. I'm no Brad Pitt, but I try my best to stay looking as good as I can. Age and life happen. There's nothing we can do about that. I just think we can all make a bigger effort as a society.

Let me be very clear, I am nowhere near perfect. I have always been on the thin side, and I've been teased for it my whole life. Also, I have plenty of other personal things I'm trying to work on and change everyday. I in no way expect a model for a wife. I actually like a woman with a few extra pounds to her, it gives her a better curvy shape the way women should be IMHO. To be honest, the Paris Hiltons of the world make me sick. Tiny skinny little blonde things that seem to be completely unable to utter anything worth while. I know some may say that I sound like her by talking about something so shallow as physical appearance. I'm just trying to let everyone know the reality we live in, and how guys are programed. We are visual more than most females will ever know. I'm not saying it's ok to focus on looks, as I said in my original post, it's not the most important thing. It's just that we HAVE TO BE attracted to our woman. Just like a woman likes to feel secure and loved around her man. It's just necessary.

For every guy beauty is something different. For me it's one thing, for another guy it's something else. I'm not saying that the girl with the bad teeth isn't good enough for me. On the contrary, on the inside (which is more important), she actually is far more beautiful than I am. That's why I'm so attracted to her personality. I just don't know how I could make myself kiss somebody I'm not attracted to. Heck, how could I get excited to be intimate with her? This has to happen to women to! I know I'm not the only one! I know women want to be attracted to their man too!
I know that anybody regardless of their outward appearance has just as good of a chance of finding that special someone as everybody else does. I'm no better than anybody else, I just think both men and women need to work on staying healthy and in shape. You can be a little overweight and still be healthy. Again, women don't need to look like skinny little blonde models. I actually am not even atracted to that type, and I personally know a lot of men who aren't either. Plus girls like that are many times too ditzy and shallow. Am I wrong still? Be honest, even if you disagree.

-MFG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:39pm

Capecrab,

I agree with you. I am in no way disagreeing with you. I do think if a guy is interested, he will ask you out. I don't fantasize. I can be hopeful, but I don't put any energy into it anymore. But I am curious as to why guys act like this. I really just wanted an opinion. For goodness sake, we work together, so there's no escaping this for right now. I don't have much experience with men, as I was married to my only boyfriend for the past 15 years. So, now I have been thrown out into the world of insane dating. I don't look for men, online date, and if I'm lucky (trying to stay true to the belief that Mr. Right is out there), that I will meet up someday with Mr. Right, by fate. Just got to say, sometimes, I feel that we as women are too focused on getting a man. I applaud all of the women out there that are headstrung, and doing what they have to do. It's hard, I know, and coming from someone who doesn't have any friends in town. I am never going to be that girl who will ever ask a man out, because as you said, if they are interested, neither heaven or hell will stop them from asking you out.

Mysterious32

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:42pm

>>I think you posed the question, "Why do women ask men out?" Well, in this liberated world that we live in, society says that women should go after what they want and if they want to ask a guy out, then they should go for it.<<

You've just described my way of thinking perfectly. A woman can pilot a space shuttle. A woman can be CEO of a huge business. A woman can run a country. And if a woman chooses to ask a man on a date - good for her.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 1:46am

Dear IV and everybody else,

Just so everybody knows, I'm not saying that women can't ask out men. I've learned my lesson (from my sisters) long before I ever went on my first date to never tell a woman she can't do something. They can and will do whatever they please, so I wouldn't imagine trying to stop any female from accomplishing anything she wants. Women are smart, strong, capable beings, and I will never tell a woman she can't do something, because damn it, she'll do it.

So ladies, do what ever makes you happy. If it's in your personality to ask men out, go for it ladies. Or if you feel it gives you a rush of power to ask him out or whatever, knock yourselves out. I've got no problem with women doing whatever they want to. I strongly believe in everybody having the right to act in anyway they choose as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else.

However, I think I'm being misunderstood here. I'm just trying to save some women some heartbreak by letting them know he's probably not interested if he didn't ask you first. That's all. Maybe he is interested. There are exceptions to every rule, but what I'm saying is that the vast majority of the time, the guy will ask you out if he's interested. If he's not interested he won't ask you out. It's that simple. I'm talking to the women who think a guy likes them, even though he doesn't ask her out. Then her asking him out instead of understanding that he's just not into her. This happens for both sexes. I'm talking about men and women trying to get with somebody that's not interested in them, so they should stop wondering and worry if the guy or girl likes them.

Men do it too. Guys try and try to get with women out of their league, and it's sad and almost pathetic to watch the girl continually shut him down time after time, and him keep asking her time after time. They just beg for the abuse. Why can't the guy get the picture that she's not interested. Leave her alone, she's not interested. Well the same thing goes for women. Baring an extreme lack of self esteem on his part, the guy didn't ask for your number because he's not interested. Just accept it and lets move on. I'm not trying to be rude, just trying to make a clear point. Sorry for sounding repetitive.

-MFG

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 12:21pm

Y'know. I have to say. It all comes off as shallow, but I believe every single word of it.

Men are visual creatures. If they aren't attracted to you physically, it doesn't matter how great you are on the inside. And if they're not asking you out, even the shy ones figure out a way to "communicate". Trust me, I'm shy, been with shy guys, but even they did things to grab my attention. One guy, while in a group. was talking to me, while mostly everyone else wasn't (I didn't know anyone). I didn't even know he was shy. I just thought he was being nice (talking to the girl no one knows). But I found out later, he's REALLY shy. BARELY EVER asks women out. So, I was surprised and honored in a way, that he FOUND a way to 'ask me out'. Granted, I think he was threated though, by a few other guys, "ask her out, or I will". Man that was an ego trip. lol

Oh back to my point. we all like what we like. I will be flat out honest, I was not attracted to my bf EVER! I have known him for over 10 years (as my brother's friend) and I vowed I'd never date anyone like him. He's short, pretentious, got bad acne scars, etc. However, we started hanging out as friends, golfing, and well, he just grew on me. There are days when I look at him and think, "WTF was I thinking?!?! I can soooo do better than this" and even think about some ex's. but overall, it's his personality that attracts me. Yup, there are even days I don't want sex, cuz he's just not doing it for me. But, it's that darn personality that I just love.

Piont is. I see physical beauty before the insides. However, I am also the type where I know ppl can grow on me (so I give them a chance if I like the insides, and not so much the outside). Everyone has their own thing. some will never grow to find someone attractive, and that's fine.

MFG, the ONLY thing I would watch, is how you word things. It's almost that you would TELL your wife, of x years, in your 40's, that she needs to get out and lose weight. That you would leave her if she's not like your mom, in her 60's, doing whatever she does, etc. There are women that don't want a man to say, "I expect my SO to be in shape" becaue they aren't in shape, and it makes women feel like crap. It makes us feel like we're not good enough (and maybe we're not for you). And it makes us feel like no one wants us, if we're not thin enough, pretty enough, etc.

So, the point is this. Yes, you are allowed your opinion on what you want, and what you like. But please, please PLEASE do NOT generalize that ALL men want an in shape woman with good teeth, straight eyes, etc. My bf's x's were 80lbs and 105lbs. How do you think I feel half the time knowing that? I feel like I'm fat. And yeah, I am. I weigh in at 150lbs. Compared to them, I'm a heffer. I feel like he wants someone thinner, cuz that was his M.O. He loves me, loves my body. But yet, with your post, I wonder, does he not really have sex with me like he did with his x's (1-2 times a week versus 1-2 times A DAY), cuz he's not really attracted to my body, onlymy personality? that i'm too fat? that it disgusts him? do i truly HAVE to lose weight to make him love me more?

and THAT MFG is why the women here, attack you (per se), because you are trying to talk to all men, whenin fact, you are talking for yourself. I know MANY men who LOVE overweight women. and i'm not talking a fwe extra for curvage, i'm talking a LOT over. they think big women are beautiful. and so that blows your whole thing out of the water.

women do NOT have to "be thin, exercise, be active" to attract a man. a man will love her for who she is, NOT who he wants her to be.

you're only making women feel like they're not worthy if they're not "good looking". and that is what upsets me. I guess I should be grateful that I have a bf then, me being 150lbs at 5'1". I mean, who'd wanna date me. I'm fat.

~pineapple_girl

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