Should He Pay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Should He Pay?
6
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:21pm
So I have been dating this great guy for about three months and we get along very well and he has all the qualities I've been looking for. The problem is that he rarely if ever offers to pay even though he makes significantly more money than I do. I'm not in the relationship for the money and he seems to care deeply for me so I just don't get it. I've tried setting an example by saying, "Well why don't I get it this time and you can just take care of something next time" when he starts splitting the bill to the penny, but nothing has changed... Help please.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:36pm
To me, this sounds like a guy who isn't fully committed or is holding something back. I don't believe that one person should pay just because they make more money, or that the guy should always pay or anything, but I do believe in balance. When I first met my bf, he paid for everything, even though I constantly offered to be polite and he was quickly running out of money (this was when he was in school/student teaching). Now that he doesn't have the money, I pay when we go out and he shows his commitment to me by giving me his time (helping to paint and remodel my condo when I'm traveling for work). So, if it were me, I would be concerned more than annoyed. I think you need to find out how committed he actually is to you, because in my opinion, this is a sign that he isn't really as interested as you might think. Either that, or he has real issues about parting with his money. :) Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 6:21pm

Either get used to this, or you may want to think about not dating him.

I know a man, at my work, who will split the bill down to the penny, after pulling out a calculator, and even calculates tax and tip, 15% of course at resturants. I hear, he does that with his dates too. EVERY date. All I can say is, it's not wonder he doesn't have a gf.

I think this is how the guy is. As some people are very meticulous about their money, and don't like to share.

So, accept it, or reject it. Personally, I could never date a man like that. It'd drive me up the wall. He's not going to change. You can try asking him flat out to pay for you, why not see what he says. That'll be your TRUE answer. Then decide if you can live with it. And don't kid yourself, I highly doubt he'll change.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 10:35pm

Do you seriously want to commit yourself to a mizer? That's what this guy appears to be to me. Down the road, he'll start telling you that you don't really NEED a new CD or whatever; then, it'll be (w/raised eyebrows) 'you spent______ on that?' or vice versa.

Studies have proven over and again that money is the #1 issue about which couples fight and, ultimately, divorce. Please don't let yourself get there. Since it's bugged you enough to post here, I'd say you'd definitely want to have a discussion w/your man about this issue before you proceed. When it comes to the basics, it's never too early to lay it all out on the table.

Please let us know how things turn out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 9:50am
He is no obligated to pay, but if you want someone who will always look at things 50/50 then stick in it. Otherwise move on now because that is him a penny pincher. I was married to one and I will tell you it is not easy. But, they do have their good points especially when it comes to saving money.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 10:42am

Hello mplsgrl2004!!

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 3:55pm
Are you sure he really cares for you or is he just very charming? A man that cares will look out for you and not take advantage of your generous nature. It would be one thing if he was asking you to pay your own way, but it sounds like he is expecting you to foot the bill for him at times as well. That is just fundamentally wrong! Are you inviting him out on these dates? If you are, then perhaps it is right for you to pay. But if you are the one always doing the inviting then you need to ask yourself if he really does care about you as much as you believe he does. People who really care want to treat you fairly. This doesn't sound fair. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable discussing this with him. If you do he isn't the man for you. Good luck.